


Closed Quarters

by JainaDurron7



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Corellia, Eventual Romance, F/M, alternative Bespin trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 21:00:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10772337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JainaDurron7/pseuds/JainaDurron7
Summary: An alternative take on that long trip to Bespin. While Bespin may be closer, Han's got other plans.





	1. Chapter 1

 Leia knew something was wrong due to a few things. One, the perturbed look on Han’s face. Two, the lack of excitement following Han's exciting buildup. And three, the subtle moaning of some part of the computers in the cockpit.  
  
 “It’s not  _ my  _ fault!”

 Leia cautiously let go of the back of Han's chair, falling back into her own. “No lightspeed?” she mocked.

 “It's not my fault!”  
  
 The Imperial ship took quick notice that something with the enemy had gone awry and the moment to mock was interrupted, cut through by the sudden attack from the Star Destroyer. The  _ Falcon  _ rocked back and forth from the impact of the Star Destroyer’s laserfire clashing against her hull and Han cursed. Leia’s vision flashed with the quick explosions. She could watch most of them outside the viewport as Han and Chewie kept the  _ Falcon  _ dancing and weaving through the blaze.  
  
 “Sir!” C-3PO cried from his seat behind Chewbacca. “We just lost the main rear deflector shield. One more direct hit on the back port and we’re done for!”  
  
 Han scurried out of his seat, shouting, “Turn her around!” as he pointed toward starboard.  
  
 Chewie growled a protest, throwing out his arms, but Han only yelled louder again, “I said, turn her around! I’m gonna’ throw all power to the front shield.”  
  
 Leia gaped, finally turning in her seat to stare wide-eyed and unbelieving at Han. “You’re going to attack them?!”  
  
 “Sir, the odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial Star Destroyer-!”  
  
 Leia was losing both her patience and sanity as Han continued hurrying about the small cockpit and giving everyone orders. She came nowhere close to understanding his method. As much as she would love to have faith in Han’s idiocy, her patience was running low. First, from their fight in the South Passage to his manhandling of her as they had rushed to leave Echo base, then this. Threepio was only adding to her annoyance and frustration. Rolling her eyes, she shouted at the droid to be heard over the chaos, “Shut up!”  
  
 Han sent the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ flying back around on her side. Leia’s stomach rolled and she threw out her hands to once again grasp a chair. This time, she clamped her hands around her own, her back pressing fiercely against it. She closed her eyes and took in a quiet, short breath.  _ Easy,  _ she chastised herself.  _ You can kill him later. If the Empire doesn’t kill us first. _

* * *

  They were now hidden away. Safely, Leia hoped. Han had found a rock big enough with craters to hide the  _ Falcon  _ away in. Leia hoped they wouldn’t have to hide here long; her patience was wearing thin with Han already.  
  
 Really, Leia found herself simply  _ confused _ by Han. She couldn’t make herself understand the man nor his way about life. For three years, he’d been on the brink of leaving the Rebellion and Leia had spent those three years restlessly chasing him, pulling him back in, begging him to stay. And for a while, Leia had been convinced he really would stay. Now, she felt foolish for letting herself believe that. Han had really been going to leave. He’d been walking out the door when Fate, with its impeccable timing, had brought the Empire to the Rebellion’s front doorstep and sent them hurrying off. And Han had come back for her.  
  
 Leia didn’t let herself consider that for long. It was ridiculous. Now, she was stuck with Han Solo until they found the rest of the Rebellion fleet and Han raced off.  
  
 Where did he even think he was going, Leia wondered? What did he have in plan? Was there somewhere he wanted to go? Somewhere he wanted to stay? Somewhere Han Solo could call home and maybe he would stay there, go his own way. And Leia would go her way. And the two would never see each other again.  
  
 That thought provoked an uncomfortable, sour feeling in her gut and Leia shook it off quickly.  
  
 Where would Han Solo go? And what would he do?  
  
 Without her? Far away from the Rebellion. Free of the Rebellion’s demands. Free, unbound, and wild just like he was. Of course, the Rebellion was no place for him. A place of loyalty, hard work, determination, full of people who were striving for justice against the Empire. What did Han care? He held no regard for any form of law let alone the “legal” one. Even the Rebellion’s rules were often- simply- too much for Han to follow.  
  
 Of course, he was leaving. He’d only been telling her that for the past three years.  
  
 And where would Leia be? With the fleet, running missions, building rebel cells, throwing her life on the line for the hope of a brighter future. She would be doing the same thing she’d always been doing; putting herself into the thick of the galaxy and trying to sort out all the tangles with her bare hands. And when her hands were torn up from the rough calluses, she would massage them herself, only taking a moment for herself before jumping back into the action with all she was, all she had.  
  
 That was where she belonged, where she thrived. And if Han Solo had decided that the last three years had been  _ so  _ horrible . . .  _ By all means, it’s about time you run off,  _ Leia thought with a tone to her inner voice as if she were spitting it out.  _ Run away. Run away from the Alliance, from Jabba, from responsibility, friends, commitment. Run away from everything you could possibly have. That’s just the way you like your life, isn’t it, Solo?  
_ _   
_ __ For some reason that even Leia didn’t really understand, she felt bitter about it; she felt upset, angry with Han.  
  
 Huffing a long, frustrated sigh, Leia pushed herself out of the copilot’s seat in the cockpit and ran to hide herself away in the maintenance bay before Han could find her.

* * *

 

 Outside the cockpit viewport, thousands of stars twinkled in the dark expanse that was known space. Some represented whole star systems while others were their own whole worlds; whole star systems and planets filled with people and things and possibilities. And space was full of them. And each glittered in their own reserved spot amidst the endless sky, known to many and home to more.  
  
 Han Solo himself had been to many of those stars in his years of gallivanting around the galaxy. He’d seen many different places, met many people and different species. But he’d never stayed anywhere for very long. He liked to call himself a wandering man; he didn’t need a set home. He had the  _ Falcon  _ and he called that good enough. Maybe he was solo; he didn’t need a posse of friends. Chewie would follow him to the ends of space and that was enough companionship to last Han a lifetime. He really didn’t need much. He certainly never asked for much. Unless he’d gotten himself into a  _ real  _ desperate situation, that is. For example, his whole stunt with Jabba. Yeah, that didn’t go well and he wasn’t planning on letting that happen again. He hoped to never have to deal with a debt like this one ever again. Nor the other struggles that came with it. Honestly, to this day, Han still had yet to figure out how he was going to deal with it. He’d come up with a plan shortly prior to the time he’d told General Rieekan he was leaving the Alliance, but, of course, the princess had to mess that up too. The poor girl was going to get herself killed and she was lucky he’d still been on base and hadn’t left yet. If Han had already left, the princess probably wouldn’t be alive to reflect on her own stupidity.  
  
 Han shook his head. It gave him a headache whenever he considered the young, foolish princess. It gave him a  _ migraine  _ trying to understand her and just what she was hoping to accomplish. He understood that she must be going through some kind of awful pain since her home had been destroyed and he was pretty sure that- whatever she’d been running about doing for the last three years- she was still trying to replace the emptiness in her that had existed since that horrible day. And Han could understand part of that. He knew a thing or two about pain. Now, he didn’t know too much about the princess’s case or how to get through to her, but he did think that someone ought to tell her that she won’t be able to do anything in her dead family’s memory when she was finally dead with them. Han thought that’s where she was going; she  _ was  _ going to get herself killed and Han would be there to stand over her grave and whisper,  _ ‘I told you so’.  _ But, sometimes, Han thought she could hardly care less about her own life as long as she was helping as many others as she could. She was selfless to the point of her own death and that both intrigued Han and scared him. It scared him for a reason he couldn’t entirely comprehend, but somehow, he knew it went beyond the regular fear of one fearing any other person’s death. Something about that thought when it came to Leia twisted with Han’s gut and made something in him feel hollow. He recalled standing in the docking bay on Hoth, prepping the  _ Falcon  _ for takeoff and praying his baby wouldn’t fall apart on the ride. Then, he’d heard that Leia was still in the communications center.  _ That beautiful idiot!  _ Obviously, he’d felt concern for her at once and hurried off to find her before she got herself killed. But what degree of concern had it been? Had he been merely concerned? Or afraid? Afraid for the princess’s life?  
  
 Han laughed at that thought of his. Where on Coruscant did he come up with this stuff? Him?  _ Terrified  _ for the princess’s life! No; he just didn’t want her death on his hands. Again, he had enough to deal with without including the princess in his set of troubles. And when it came to the princess, she was a package deal; she had a whole load of problems that  _ she  _ came with. And Han didn’t need to be involved with any of that.  
  
 So, maybe he was a loner, a wanderer. All Han knew was that he had everything he wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

 Leia pressed a finger to the nav computer, making the screen lighter where her finger pointed. “What about that system?” she suggested. “Anoat? That’s not too far away.”  
 “Yeah,” Han said, but didn’t sound very thrilled by her idea. “There’s a planet called Bespin somewhere around there. A mining operation with its very own city.”  
  
 Leia straightened behind him, relieved that they’d found a location. “Then, we’ll go there.”  
  
 Han shook his head. “No.”  
  
 “No?”  
  
 “No. I’ve got an enemy there.”  
  
 “Where do you _not_ have enemies? What did you do to this guy? Or is it a formal girlfriend?”  
  
 “The former.”  
  
 _“Ahhh.”  
_ _  
_“He thinks I stole from him.”  
  
Leia was only slightly surprised. Folding her arms, she asked, “What does he ‘think’ you stole?”  
  
 Han beamed proudly in his seat. “The _Falcon.”  
_ _  
_Leia froze for a moment. Her arms still crossed, she glanced around the cockpit to survey her surroundings. “But you mean to tell me that you didn’t?”  
  
 “Very true! I did not, in fact, steal the _Millennium Falcon_ from him.”  
  
 Leia waited. When Han offered no more of an explanation, Leia sighed and dropped back into the copilot’s seat. “Fine. O, wondrous Captain Solo, please do tell! I beg you to tell me this most extraordinary tale of why this stupid man believes you stole a ship from him! Please, Captain Solo! Please!”  
  
 Han frowned. “You can tone it down just a little. It might have made me happier if you hadn’t been mocking-”  
  
 “Han, just tell me what happened.”  
  
 “Fine. _If you must ask._ The guy’s name is Lando Calrissian. We were in a sabacc tournament together and Lando- he was a cocky one-”  
  
 “Hm! Reminds me of someone. Ohh, what’s his name?”  
  
 “Alright, Princess. Chill out. Now, Lando set the odds. He named any ship of his as the prize to the winner. And I won. And I took the _Falcon.”_ _  
_Leia waited for more.  
  
 No more came.  
  
 Her eyes went wide. “That’s it?”  
  
 “Well, what more were you hoping for, Princess?”  
  
 “I don’t know.” She laughed shortly. “It’s funny; I think I actually believed that there was a possibility this story wouldn’t be half as childish as others tales of yours I’ve heard.”  
 Han spun on her, jabbing a finger in her direction. “You’ve heard _nothing!”  
_ _  
_“So, because he feels like you cheated him, we can’t go to Bespin when our hyperdrive is dead and we’re traveling sublight.”  
  
 “Exactly.”  
  
 She rolled her eyes and once again vacated the seat. “You’re incorrigible,” she fumed. “Absolutely impossible.”  
  
 “Hey! Speak for yourself, Your Highnessness.”  
  
 Leia just ignored him. She settled back into the navigator’s seat right behind Han’s and peered over his shoulder at the nav computer. “We don’t have too many choices, flyboy,” she noted aloud, some of her frustration seeping through her tone. “Bespin is the closest world that also hosts life forms. And our repairs. We can’t get that picky.”  
  
 Han smiled a little. “Unless we found a trade route to run.”  
  
 “Are you crazy? Han we _can’t_ run! We have no lightspeed! Besides, there are no trade routes anywhere near here.”  
  
 “Some princess didn’t pay attention in Galactic Geography,” Han taunted. “Trust me, sweetheart, when I tell you that I can get us anywhere. I know this galaxy’s trade routes _better_ than the back of my hand.” He zoomed in on the nav screen to highlight their current position, then jumped over an amount of space until his finger was tracing a long, curving line. “The Corellian Trade Spine,” he stated proudly. “The _Falcon_ should be able to make this tiny jump, then we can ride the Spine to the next star system. We could have ourselves a cozy vacation, don’t you think?” He beamed at her, but Leia continued to ignore his looks. She shook her head and again argued his idea. “There’s no way the _Falcon_ could make that jump in her state.”  
  
 “Uh,” Han shrugged, lounging in his seat. “I don’t know, Princess.”  
  
 Leia corrected him, still studying the screen. “No. There’s no way.”  
  
 “Where’s your faith?”  
  
 “Uh-uh. It won’t work.”  
  
 “Come on, it’s not that far.”  
  
 “That jump is suicide!”  
  
 “It’s not a jump. We’d still travel sublight speed.”  
  
 “The whole way?”  
  
 “No. Just until we can get the old girl fixed up.”  
  
 “Somewhere along the Trade Spine?”  
 Han shrugged, already reaching to plug in coordinates to the nav computer. “I know places.”  
  
 “Fine. And just where will we be stopping?”  
  
 “Well, I’m thinking we could hit up Bomis Koori in the Mid Rim.”  
  
 “Where is that? The . . . Wornal sector?”  
  
 “Hey, if we keep following the trade route, we could land ourselves pretty close to where the Rebel fleet should be.”  
  
 Leia leaned over his shoulder for a better look. “Well, that’s a long trip. Where does the route stop that we’d get so close to the Alliance?”  
  
 “Well, the fleet’s supposed to meet up at Ord Vaxal, right? We take the Corellian Trade Route all the way down to Rhommamool and we’re right there.”  
 “That’s a long way.”  
  
 For a moment, Han didn’t say anything. He just leaned back in his seat and caught Leia’s eye to nearly glare at her. “Well, how else would you like to get there, Your Worship?”  
 Leia set her mouth firmly, casually leaning back toward her own seat. “Is that the only way? With the jumps you’re planning, this trip will take months. _”  
_ _  
_“It’s the best way and that’s all that matters. We’re running low on options, Princess. And even more with every minute you waste complaining. I think we should take the Corellian Route from here, get some repairs done, take a break at Corellia, then hightail it the rest of the way to Rhommamool before making another jump to Vaxal.”  
 “Alright, then.”  
  
 Chewbacca growled what Leia could only guess meant ‘finally’ as he started plugging in coordinates to the computer before him. To the wookiee, Han made a reference to some low-key, highly-illegal operation near High Chunah that they’d been to before and Chewie nodded, adding it to his list.  
  
 Leia watched Chewie work, carefully surveying their route. A hundred fears flooded her mind as she considered. With Han’s plan, they’d be crossing deep into the Core where high Imperial security would be guaranteed. Did Han really think they could fly the __Falcon around and make it out the other side without a scratch? And what about this operation where they were to be getting repairs done? To Leia, it sounded no better than Bespin. What more - Leia was still fearful of Imperials on their tail even though the cockpit’s screens had been unfriendly-free since Han’s quick thinking of floating away with the Star Destroyer’s garbage.

 But Han seemed so relaxed; Leia wished she could share his confidence.

 She sat back in her seat, drew her knees up to her chin.  Her eyes fixed their gaze outside the cockpit viewport at all the stars so far away. She tried not to imagine Han’s one-stop illegal repair shop and, instead, considered Corellia. Leia knew she’d visited the planet before, but she’d just been a little girl, accompanying her father on one of his business trips away from home. There wasn’t much she remembered from the trip besides quickly growing bored during her father’s meeting and going to a small parlor downtown for frozen cream. For some reason, Leia still vividly remembered her father ordering her  _ two scoops  _ of blumfruit frozen cream sprinkled over with rainbow hard candies and drizzled in chocolate syrup. Leia had gotten syrup and frozen cream all over her face, but her father had never gotten mad at her.  
  
 That was the only memory of Corellia she had. The rest was logic, trivia. Corellia was one of the “main” Core worlds. Their days were 25 hours long with years made up of 329 days. Her nickname was the “Elder Brother” of the Corell system. She was a planet boosted by industry. Over three-quarters of the galaxy’s ships, freighters, and squadron craft were all manufactured on Corellia. Their second biggest export was- alcohol.  
  
 Both goods seemed to be what Han Solo lived on. Leia smirked at that thought.  
  
 Leia also knew that Corellia had the highest crime rate of all the Core Worlds, even putting Coruscant is second place. Corellia also placed rather high on the board for Core Worlds with the most orphans. Most dangerous criminals, biggest population of prostitutes, lowest literacy rate of Core Worlds. Corellia was a scummy, dirty world; just Han Solo’s kind of place.  
  
 Exactly the kind of place that set Leia on edge.  
  
 Of course, Luke had told her plenty of stories about Tatooine. She knew plenty about the sandy planet, too. It was located in the Outer Rim Territories in the Tatoo system. It hosted two suns which were famously known as the twins suns. Tatooine was home to more scum than Corellia. Cantinas flooded with bounty hunters and smugglers caught in between runs. It was filled with people who were running away from the law common to the rest of the galaxy that belonged to the Empire- or, rather, a proper law. Tatooine had no such thing. Slavery was a common practice on that world which was ruled by hutt merchants and crime lords who oversaw illegal podracing and the smugglers themselves who stopped in at the local cantinas. And then there were the commoners who were mostly farmers working fields of sand as moisture farmers. But Luke talked about it all with a sad sort of fondness. Leia knew he missed the place he called home, though she couldn’t begin to understand why.  
  
 And what about Corellia? What about that place called Han’s name over and over again; what did Han Solo love so much about that planet? Besides the booze, that is.   
 Then, Leia considered the place  _ she  _ had called home.  
  
 At once, she had to bite down on her lower lip to stop it from trembling. No; now wasn’t the time for any of that nonsense.  
  
 Alderaan, Leia thought, was the epitome of home. Warm, safe, filled with love, compassion, kindness, honor and hope. Alderaan had also been located within the Core of the galaxy, in the Alderaan system. Her people had been intergalactically known for their compassion, tranquility, lasting peace, and open arms. They were a traditional people that eagerly looked forward to every market day where artists would sell their canvases and poets their beautiful words. They were also very conservative, always a little lagging behind in the industry and electronics departments. But the people had been fine with that. Natural, traditional, and conservative had been their style. Their main exports had been wine, art, and other luxury items. They’d prided themselves on being a weaponless world. In the end, Leia realized bitterly, that might have been crucial to their own downfall.  
  
 But, at least Leia could be proud of her home. Both Han and Luke were, too, but she couldn’t understand why. She couldn’t understand Luke’s odd idea of home nor Han’s twisted love for the ladies and drinks of his immoral “home”. Plus, the thought of Han  _ Solo  _ having a home sounded far too bizarre. As long as Leia had known him, he’d very much embodied his love for running and skipping about the galaxy. He didn’t seem like a “home” person. He seemed like a guy who couldn’t- and wouldn’t want to- be tied down.  
  
 As for Leia, her home- now- was the Rebellion. It was a place she could be proud of, a place where everyone held the same ideals and hopes as she did. It was a place she believed in, fought for. A place she couldn’t wait to return to.  
  
 But, of course, it would be awhile before she would be back safely at home. For now, she would have to suffer through the scenic route back home with none other than Han Solo himself.  
  
 As Leia’s gaze broke from the viewport, she became aware of Han and Chewie in front of her, arguing over some other part that was now coming apart before their eyes. Leia gave a silent sigh, debating the pros and cons of hiding herself away in the escape pod and just drifting off by herself. “What’s wrong now?” Leia asked, mocking.

 “Nothing!” Han was quick to shoot back at her, though Leia knew that was a far cry from the truth. Han’s bucket of bolts was falling back to bolts before their very eyes. “Just a little problem with the ion flux stabilizer.”

 “Want me to check it out?”

 Han, focused on the controls before him, nodded shortly. “Sure. Go ahead.”

 Leia slipped back out of her seat and headed for the maintenance bay. “Alright. I’ll be down there.”

 After running several missions with Han in the last few years, Leia had learned enough about the  _ Falcon’s  _ faulty systems to help out with repairs every once in awhile. She could reconnect wires and resync the nav computers. She could reattack things that were out of place or clean out old, rusting parts. She could do just about anything Han asked her to. Also, Leia found it could be the most relaxing thing to do when stuck on the horrid ship with Han Solo- if only to get away from the captain. With him busy in the cockpit, shouting up a storm at Threepio and Chewie, Leia could have her own peace in the solitude of the maintenance bay; uninterrupted, private peace.  
  
 Yes, some time away from Captain Solo and that smug smile of his sounded wonderful, Leia thought as she set herself to work.

* * *

 

 By the time Leia had rejoined Chewbacca, See-Threepio, and Han in the cockpit, the ion stabilizer was- working well enough. Leia was sure they wouldn’t be able to make it much farther without repairs; she was almost thankful when Han announced that they were approaching the High Chunah repair stop. Almost.

 She kept her guard raised and her suspicions even higher as Han communicated with an “employee” of the operation and received coordinates to land. They touched down in a small docking bay with just enough light to tell out moving figures. Yet, Leia still didn’t see anyone approaching the  _ Falcon.  _ She leaned forward against her crash webbing, watching.  
  
 “Just hang on,” Han said quietly, raising a hand to calm her. “They’ll come soon.”  
  
 Leia narrowed her eyes, turning her gaze back out the viewport. “I don’t like this.”  
  
 Han scowled back at her. “Well, what would you like? Of course, this is a shady place; it’s supposed to be. Now, wait here. I’ll meet ‘em outside.”  
  
 Leia watched him go, joined by Chewbacca, then slipped into his seat and kept watch from the cockpit. Han and Chewie strode to the nose of the  _ Falcon  _ and stood there. One moment, two, five minutes, then a yellow light appeared as a door opened and a grizzly short man with dusty overalls grinned in greeting. He held out his arms as he approached, then clapped Han on the back as Han did the same. Leia rolled her eyes. Of course, they knew each other. From under her navigator’s seat, she pulled out a blaster and hid it under her snowsuit jacket.  
  
 Quietly and inconspicuously, Leia joined the meet-and-greet. She positioned herself at Han’s side, her arms crossed over her chest with an extra cold look to her. Was it sad that the appearance was almost natural for her to pull off? The dirty man went on talking with Han, swinging his glance to Chewie, then noticing Leia for the first time. He chuckled. “Heh! You’re so little; I didn’t see you there,” he smiled at Leia. She tilted her chin up and her head to the side because her posture was already erect. From the corner of her eye, Leia caught Han’s worried glance.  _ Relax,  _ Leia wished she could yell at him, keeping her look.  _ I got this.  
_ _   
_ __ “And who’re you, sweet tart?”  
  
 Han took one step forward.  
  
 Her gaze still fixed and her demeanor still confident, Leia gave a little smile. “What’s it to you?”  
  
 The man grinned, proudly displaying a grin full of missing teeth. “Well, I’m gonna’ need  _ some  _ kind of payment for your repairs. Even the criminals of this galaxy need to make a living.”  
  
 Leia tilted her head to the other side. “You drive quite a bargain. Am I even allowed to know your name?”  
  
 “Dommat,” he quickly said. The man turned to beam at Han who looked-  _ worried.  _ “Where’d you pick this one up, huh? She’s kinda’ fun.”  
  
 “Yeah,” Han shook his head, turning to glance at Leia who gave him a subtle, reassuring nod. “She’s certainly something.”  
  
 “That, she must be. I can already tell she must be quite feisty for such a small one.”  
  
 Han turned away, but Leia caught sight of the smile of agreement that he was trying to hide. She looked back to the plump man and told him, “I might be feisty. I’m certainly not your type, though.” she walked around him to join Han. Han was walking around the  _ Falcon,  _ pointing out different spots along the hull. “We had a little skirmish with Imperials,” he explained, his eyes set on a particular group of long, curving scrapes. His gaze softened like it  _ really _ hurt him whenever his girl got beat up.  
  
 “No kiddin’!” Dommat cried, reaching up a hand to brush it along the  __ Millennium Falcon’s  underbelly. Suddenly, Han swatted at his hand. Dommat jumped back. Han, his face all serious and scorning, glared heavily at him. “Don’t touch her like that!”  
  
 From a short distance behind Han, Leia rolled her eyes. “Captain, why don’t you show him the hyperdrive so we can get going.”  
  
 Dommat’s eyes bulged. “Hyperdrive? You were havin’ hyperdrive problems? Musta’ been a long ride here.”  
  
 Turning to stride her way to the docking bay’s lounge, Leia muttered loud enough to be heard, “Tell me about it.”


	3. Chapter 3

 The lounge was musty smelling with poor lighting and old, squishy chairs that reminded Leia of an antique gorba melt parlor that had run out of business on Alderaan. Above her, the glow panels flickered and Leia was taking her own bets at how long it would take for her to get a headache.  
  
 Across the small room from her, Han lounged comfortably on one of the couches beside Chewie. He played with the controls on the holoscreen, flicking back and forth between different holo dramas.  
  
 Leia frowned. “Why don’t you turn on the news?” Leia asked. “I want to see if there’s anything about the Rebellion.”  
  
 Han only glanced back at her for a second. “Sweetheart, trust me, you don’t want to watch Imperial channels for news on the Rebellion. It’s the  _ Empire.  _ That means that- if there’s any happy Rebellion news, they’re not going to say anything about it. If anything bad’s happened, they’ve got all of Coruscant’s holojournalists on it. Do you really want to hear a cheery story about how the  _ Rebel Dream  _ was lost during the evacuation?” Leia’s chest constricted, but Han continued. “It took two Star Destroyers, but they got the job done. Massive casualties. The aftermath even took out a couple of the smaller frigates. Maybe even half of Gold Squadron-”  
  
 “Alright!” Leia shouted at him. Surprised to find herself standing, Leia calmed herself and shrunk back. “I get it. But do we have to have that on?”  
  
 Han looked at the screen for a moment before turning his attention back to her. “What? Don’t like Garik Loran?”  
  
 Leia said, deadpan, “Well, I’m just not caught up on the latest seasons of  _ Jungle Flutes. _ ”  
  
 Han shrugged, turning back to the screen. “Eh. That one’s all Imperial propaganda anyway.”  
  
 Leia crossed her legs. The room returned to its prior silence aside from the holoscreen. Han, still lounging on the couch, was snacking on some dry bedjies that sat on a yellowed plate. Honestly, Leia preferred the  _ Falcon’s  _ frozen rations to them.  
  
 After a while of the holoscreen playing the same old Imperial propaganda, Leia ran out of split ends to pick at and she looked up to catch Han’s gaze. “How long will we be staying here?”  
  
 Han looked to her. “I’m sure it shouldn’t be too long,” he said, sounding assured.  
  
 “But how long? Will we be leaving today?”  
  
 “What time is it?”  
  
 “Nearly the afternoon Central Core time. We’ve been waiting for over an hour.”  
  
 “Oh, that’s nothing, sweetheart.”  
  
 Leia shrugged. “Do they have a place for us to stay tonight?”  
  
 “Soon as they get the hyperdrive fixed-”  
  
 “And the negative power coupling replaced.”  
  
 “And that too, I think we’ll be good enough to go.”  
  
 Han sat up straighter. For the last half hour he’d been lying down. “I don’t want to stay long either. Hopefully, we’ll be able to hit hyperspace again, find ourselves a hotel. Some real beds.”  
  
 Leia kept her expression passive, but the idea of a real, comfortable bed registered as a luxury in Leia’s mind. She didn’t want to think about when the last time had been that she had slept in a  _ real  _ bed.  
  
 “I’ll check in with Dommat in a couple hours, see how things are going. We’ll leave soon, then head for Corellia.”  
  
 That relieved Leia slightly, pleasing her enough to let herself and Han once again return to the silence. However, apparently, Han had had enough of silence. He got up from the couch, pulled over a chair and sat before Leia. “So.”  
  
 Leia raised a brow. “So?”  
  
 “I’m bored.”  
  
 “I’m so sorry.”  
  
 “Hey, come on. Wanna’ play a game?”  
  
 Leia gave a short laugh. “A game?”  
  
 Nodding his head excitedly, Han went off and found a pack of cards on a bookshelf near the holoscreen. He shuffled the deck in his hand as he made his way back over. “How about sabacc?” Leia wrinkled her nose. “Ahh, I see. You’re more of a dejarik lady, aren’t you?”  
  
 Leia couldn’t help the sigh of irritation that came as she readjusted herself in her seat. “I guess I’m just not a card person.”  
  
 “Well, that’s a shame,” Han said quietly, shuffling the cards back together and replacing them in their box. “You know, I think you’d enjoy Bantha Fodder. You seem just about manipulative enough.”  
  
 Leia didn’t look at Han, but she smirked. “I used to play Bantha Fodder,” she agreed. “But without the cards.”  
  
 Han’s gaze darted to catch her as she got up and walked away; his eyes were wide. He didn’t say a word. And then he smiled. “Hey, that’s right! You play with me all the time!”  
  
 Leia rolled her eyes, and Han was glad to note that it even seemed more amused than out of annoyance.  
  
 “Hey,” he spoke up to catch her attention and Leia turned to look at him. “After this, I’ll book us a hotel room on Corellia and we’ll hot-tail it there.”  
  
 Leia nodded with a small smile. “Okay.”   


* * *

 

 Leia had managed to fall asleep in her chair. She was curled up, lying up against her crash webbing. Her neck went sore with knots as she awoke from her awkward position; she grimaced, raising a hand to rub at the spot. As she became aware of her surroundings, a horrible screeching sounded filled her ears and she threw her hands up to cover them. “What’s going on?” she yelled over the blaring. In front of her, Han was up and hurrying about the cockpit as he checked different controls and settings. Beside him, Chewie stood with big, hairy fists raised and he was yelling something at the captain. Leia figured it to be something rather vulgar by the look Han got on his face every now and then. He took a moment to glare back at the wookiee before he whirled around, yelling at him. “It’s not my fault! How was I supposed to know they’d try to pull something like that on us?”  
  
 Leia sat up in her seat, removing her hands from her ears. “What’s going on? What happened?”  
  
 Han frowned a little, turning to work his hands across another panel of controls on the side of the cockpit wall. “Our  _ friend  _ left us a little surprise. I think we’ve been bugged.”  
  
 Leia’s eyes widened in alarm. “ _ Our  _ friend? You’re kidding yourself! This was completely your idea! Chewie’s right; this is definitely your fault!”  
  
 Han scowled at her. “It could have been someone besides Dommat. He had several mechanics helping him.”  
  
 Leia narrowed her eyes, but she moved to help him. “It doesn’t matter just  _ who  _ left the bug; you insisted it would be just fine.”  
  
 “Hey, it’s not like you had any better ideas. Not like you  _ had  _ any ideas.”  
  
 Leia didn’t respond. She was already hurrying out of the cockpit.  
  
 Once Han was content with his own search, he went on the  _ Falcon’s  _ intercom system and called for Leia. “Well, find anything?”  
  
 “Hang on! I think I might have found something in the maintenance bay.” Han heard her grunt before she continued, “If I can just reach it . . . “  
  
 “Careful down there. Don’t get yourself hurt.”  
  
 “I almost have it. Someone stuck it behind this latch. I can almost reach it.”  
  
 Han waited a long moment. “Almost got it.”  
  
 “Kriff!”  
  
 Han jumped out of his seat, smacking his hand on the control board. “What?! Did you set it off? Leia! Leia, fierfek, are you there!”  
  
 Silence.  
  
 Then, a sigh. “You might want to make a list of all the underground markets you’re associated with because this isn’t an Imperial bug.”  
  
 Han fell back in his seat with a sigh of relief. He dragged a hand over his face. “Alright. Just bring it back up. I’ll run another external scan. Then, why don’t you stay in one of the turrets for now. If anyone is following, we’ll have a party and throw them off.  
  
 “Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

 

 “You’re not even going to take a look at it?”  
  
 “Nope.” Han raised the hydrospanner and pounded down on the bug once more. “Doesn’t matter who it is, Princess. We don’t want  ‘em following us.”  
  
 Leia held back her sigh but crossed her arms firmly over her chest as she watched him destroy the spying device. “It would be nice to at least know what to worry about.”  
  
 “We’re worrying about pirates,” Han told her simply, turning to put the tool back in its box. “Is that good enough for you? Really, it doesn’t matter who’s chasing us. Won’t make a difference in the end. As far as I know, I only have one bounty on my head.”  
  
 This time, Leia gave in to her urge and rolled her eyes, real dramatically. “Well, that’s reassuring.”  
  
 Han threw out his arms. “Hey, we chased them off. I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up about, Princess. They’re gone. Isn’t that good enough? They’re enemies, they don’t like me, and they probably worked for Jabba. That’s all I need to know. Trust me, Princess, you don’t want to know too much about that stuff.” He came back with a cleaning pan. As he passed her, he leaned close to her and shook his hands. “ _ Don’t want to get your pretty little hands dirty.”  
_ _   
_ __ Leia’s reaction was immediate. Her eyes went wider than Han had ever seen them as she unfolded her arms to ball them in fists at her sides. And, Han could’ve sworn her face went red with her anger. “You ignorant, self-obsessed-”  
  
 “What?” Han grinned. “Nexu-trainer? I suppose that would be the next step after nerf-herder.”  
  
 “You’re impossible!”  
  
 “What?” Han threw his pan to the side and approached Leia, already preparing for a fight. “What’s got your little panties in a tizzy  _ now _ ?”  
  
 “I don’t get it, Han Solo! I don’t get it! What’s your problem?”  
  
 Han blinked, honestly startled. “My problem?  _ My  _ problem? Listen, sweetheart, I’m not the one who decided to start another fight out of the blue, just because you didn’t wanna’ get stuck with me. Well, I’m sorry for saving your little behind because you were ready to die! I’m sorry my ship isn’t up to the finest quality and royal standards-”  
  
 “There you go! Again! Why do you have to talk to me like that?”  
  
 “Like what?”  
  
 Leia fumed, her arms returning to their firmly crossed position. “You know, on Ord Mantell, I should have known it was too good to be true that you were talking to me like an actual person. I should have known something was up that you talked to me like I was an equal and not just- someone in your way, a nuisance.”  
  
 “A nuisance?”  
  
 “Yes!”  
  
 “Princess, what are you even talking about?”  
  
 Leia shifted her balance to the other leg. “Why would you do that? Why did you bother to treat me so nicely for just that trip only to switch right back once we get back to the base? Huh? Why do you hate me  _ so much _ that you have to belittle me and talk to me like I’m some dumb little princess and I don’t know what I’m talking about? . . . “ She took a quick breath, her small body shaking with anger and frustration. And Han could only watch her, his attention fixed. “But on Ord Mantell . . . everything was so different on Ord Mantell. Why?”  
  
 “Different? What are you talking about?”  
  
 “When we were on Ord Mantell, you- you called me ‘Leia’ and you weren’t picking fights every five minutes and you actually talked to me and . . . “  
  
 “And what?”  
  
 Leia’s shaking ceased, but she bit her lip, closed her eyes, and didn’t respond for a long moment.  
  
 “What? What is this? What is all this about?”  
  
 Leia finally gathered her thoughts. Her gaze somehow remained soft, but maintained a daggering glare that sent chills down Han’s spine and flooded his awareness with guilt; a guilt that he didn’t even understand. “I don’t know,” Leia said quietly, shrugging. “I’d be interested in hearing it if you ever figure it out.” With that, Leia turned and briskly left.   
 Han couldn’t find the voice to call out to her, to try and get her to come back. He let her go as his own guilt sunk in. But he still didn’t understand what had just happened, or what it was even about. And if Leia was so ticked with him, why wouldn’t she explain herself? Han shook his head, thinking about how confusing women were. Especially Leia Organa.  
  
 What even was this about Ord Mantell? He tried to recall the trip. He couldn’t remember specifically treating her any different than he usually did. It hadn’t even been a particularly long trip. Well, it had been longer than most they took together. Although, it had ended prematurely when one of his “loyal followers”- as he chose to think of them- had found him and caused an  __ incident  in the middle of their trip. Because, heaven forbid, he and Leia were enjoying a quiet lunch together when blaster fire had suddenly erupted nearby. Han couldn’t even remember what they’d been talking about. The only part he seemed to be able to recall was his own alarm and fear when the bounty hunter had appeared out of nowhere and took a few shots at Leia.  
  
 They’d left quickly after dealing with the hunter. And now Leia was mad with him.

 Han was used to her being upset at him; they were always in kahoots with each other, but this time was somehow different. She seemed so genuinely bothered and not in the way Han was used to that he’d also heard could be related to a woman’s menstrual cycle. No, Leia seemed genuinely ticked at him and- underneath that- deeply hurt. Han had never meant to hurt her. He knew what a strong person she was and he was pretty sure he knew where the line sat that he was not to cross. Leia could take a joke, teasing, a comment or two. Fierfek, she could sure deal it! But Han had never meant to say or do something that would actually hurt her. Neither of them had ever gone that far. They would yell and scream at each other and sulk on it for the rest of the day and even bring it up later- but, at the end of the week, none of it really mattered. The Ord Mantell trip, however, had been several months ago. Even Leia had never kept a grudge between them for that long. And this was the first complaint Han had heard from her.

 Han, for his part, was also genuine. He really didn’t know what he’d done wrong. And he usually did.  
  
 Blowing out a sigh, Han decided that he was never going to understand Leia Organa and he would just have to wait this out.

* * *

 

 It must have been some figment of her imagination. Yes, that sounded much more likely, Leia decided. She drew in on herself, humiliated with herself that she would even consider such a possibility.

 Who did she think Han Solo was? What did she make of him that she had ever thought anything of his kindness while they’d been on Ord Mantell? She should have remembered that this was Han Solo and he never promised anything.

 Had she really thought he would be staying? Well, he’d said it, hadn’t he? Leia was sure she remembered him saying as much? Oh, when had that been? Or, was she making this up out of wishful thinking? And why would she ever wish for that?

 Leia was confused, lost in the world of her thoughts as she tried to decipher actual memories from wishes from whatever the kriff was going on in her head. She just needed to get it in her head that Han was leaving and that shouldn’t have come as any surprise. Han Solo was a loner, a wanderer. Didn’t he already have everything he wanted?

 Did she?

 Leia shook her head to clear her thoughts when they started on a course that Leia didn’t like. Apparently, Han had changed his mind since Ord Mantell. That was just fine and Leia, for her part couldn’t care less. In her opinion, it was about time he left like the runner he was. No strings attached, no responsibilities, no commitments, no obligations. Solo.


	4. Chapter 4

Leia could see Corellia outside the  _ Falcon’s  _ viewport. It loomed brighter and bolder as the  _ Falcon  _ grew closer to its destination. It wasn’t as bright as Coruscant with its technological lights; Leia could appreciate that natural aspect to the planet as they drew near. But, as always, Leia remained cautious.  
  
 “How can you be sure we won’t be stopped by Imperials before we land?”  
  
 “Sweetheart, don’t worry. If Imperials catch us, they’ll  _ want us to land.”  
_ _   
_ __ Leia scowled in disapproval. “I don’t like this.”  
  
 “Yeah, I remember you said that already.”  
  
 “And you aren’t concerned?”  
  
 Han didn’t even consider for a moment before he turned in his seat to look hard at Leia and he shot back, “I’m concerned the Imperials will hear your whining from space.”  
  
 She narrowed her eyes at him and glared, but his snide comment seemed to actually work and Leia remained silent. Her gaze was fixed out the viewport as Corellia grew bigger and bigger. The shape of its continents became more defined apart from its waters. That was when the  _ Falcon’s  _ comm rang for attention.  
  
 “This is CorSec Landing Control. Unidentified vessel,” a stiff, masculine voice greeted the  _ Millennium Falcon’s  _ crew through the comm system, “please identify yourself.”   
 Han flashed Leia a cocky grin before turning back to the controls board. “Hey, there, CorSec. This is the  _ Longshot.  _ We’re just coming from a vacation on Sacorria. Wasn’t interested in staying long, though. They’ve got some strict laws over there.”  
  
 From where she sat in the navigator’s seat, Leia rolled her eyes at Han’s conversational tactics. With a hand, Han shook away her concern and continued on. “So, if you don’t mind, do you happen to have a docking bay open for me?”  
  
 “How big a crew are you carrying,  _ Longshot?”  
_ _   
_ __ Han glanced back at Leia and she mouthed,  _ ‘hide them’  _ as she pointed a thumb back at c-3PO and Chewbacca. Chewbacca gave a whisper of a growl in agreement and Leia snaked an arm around Threepio’s neck to trip his circuit breaker before the golden protocol droid could object.  
  
 “Just two, Control. Me and my co-pilot.  _ For life.  _ Did I mention it was a honeymoon vacation? If you ever get married, I  __ would not  recommend the Sacorrian Sector.”  
  
 Leia’s nostrils flared; Han’s beam only brightened.  
  
 “Of course,” the man at Control said, ignoring Han’s humor. “Docking Bay 139 is open. I’ll send coordinates.”  
  
 “Why, thank you!”  
  
 The comm clicked to silence and Han slowly swiveled his chair around to face Leia once again. “See? That wasn’t so bad, now was it?”  
  
 “Honeymoon Really?”  
  
 Han tossed his head back and sighed loudly. “You always gotta’ whine about something, don’t you? You’re starting to sound like the kid. Look, if you can’t handle being around me for five minutes, you’re free to walk home!”  
  
“I just might!” Leia yelled despite how stupid it may have come out sounding. She stormed out of the cockpit and down the hall.  
  
 Han shook his head as he turned his attention back to the computers as CorSec’s coordinates finally came in and Han started to follow them. “And I’m the one who’s been acting rude,” he grumbled.

* * *

 

 First, Han had to ask for directions to the nearest hotel while Leia stood nearby with a hood pulled over her familiar features. The city was dark and only dim pedwalk and shops; lights shone in the dark streets. Without a credcoin on them, Han and Leia set out to walk rather than hail a speeder. They had currency on cards and would be able to cash them at a bank. For now, though, they walked to the hotel.

 Leia walked ahead of Han with her hands stuffed into her pockets and a makeshift hood for her jacket pulled over her hair; she efficiently ignored him, keeping her gaze ahead as she marched her way along.

 “What are you doing?”

 “What does it look like I’m doing?” She didn’t turn to look at him.

“Get back over here!”

 Now, Leia half-turned her body to throw Han a flirtatious smile. “Why, Captain Solo, don’t get touchy!”

 Han bit back a sigh of annoyance as he hurried to catch up with her and quickly seized her hand.

 “Hey!” she yowled, throwing out her elbow in an effort to take back her own hand.

 Han hushed her, towering over her. “Do you  _ want  _ to get picked up and thrown into the trafficking system?”

 Leia frowned in confusion but was still clearly affronted. “Trafficking system?”

 “Yeah. The human one.”

 “You mean human trafficking?”

 Han turned his gaze for a moment while he sighed; Leia’s wrist was still stuck in his grip. “Yes!” he whispered-screamed at her. Leia only furrowed her brow, the usual fire still burning with fury in her eyes. “That one! Look, Leia, Corellia’s got a pretty advanced and efficient human trafficking system and I don’t think anyone from High Command would appreciate it if the next time they saw you it was in a night ship window, dancing in your panties.”

 Han started forward, but Leia planted her feet and glared at his back. “You really think I can’t handle myself?”

 Han stopped to look at her, his expression annoyed, impatient. “Sweetheart, I believe you could handle yourself in an encounter against a hutt, but you wouldn’t last a night on Corellia.” Leia’s muscles went weak with disappointment and Han pulled her with him. “Look,” Han began in a softer tone. He kept walking in a brisk pace. “I didn’t mean anything by that. It’s just- you don’t know much about Corellia let alone how Corellia works. Sure, you’ve been through the wringer of missions for the Alliance, but this is different. You’re not supposed to just suddenly die in the middle of the street, right? Well, you better follow my lead because I’m trying to help you. Corellia crawls with creeps at night. I don’t want to be held accountable if something were to happen to you.”

 Leia was quiet as she thought about that for a moment. “Corellia’s crime rate is 75.68% above that of Coruscant’s. I just wasn’t aware of what form it came in.”

 Han shook his head at her naivety. “Oh, Princess, it comes in all kinds of forms. Now, be careful. You’re really starting to sound like Luke. And Threepio. And I’m not entirely fond of the professor. And you’re not sounding like the kid in a good way either.”

 Leia huffed, dropping her shoulders. “Fine.” She glanced at the hand of hers that was still caught in Han’s. “But could you please let me go?”

 Immediately, Han dropped her hand. He didn’t say anything more and neither did Leia. She kept a careful watch along the street. Several times, she did see people- men- who looked rather suspicious. Or, women who appeared to be rather busy for such a late night. And whenever one of them had their eyes on her, Leia would watch Han who would be quick to flash them a warning of a fierce expression. Then, they would turn away and Han would glance down at his side to be sure she was still there. Leia would nod, uncomfortably assured whenever he did that.

 For the rest of their walk, Han also had the occasion to check on her and ask if she was too tired to walk. Leia would force her eyes to open wide and she’d shake her head, searching her body for an extra ounce of energy just to assure Han.

 When they finally came to their hotel, Han led her inside and they walked up to the desk and handed the receptionist a credit card. They were offered a key and took the turbolift to the 37 th floor. Han found their door, slid a card over a small scanner beside the door, and the door slid open for them. He let Leia enter first and she glanced around as she dropped her hood and shed her jacket. She slipped off her shoes by the door, then stepped forward. A short wall by the door blocked her view of the main area of the room. The refresher was on the other side of the entryway and Han took the sharp turn to use it. Leia walked past the wall and looked to find the beds.

 She gave the lightest gasp. “Han!”

 “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Han asked.

 Leia spun around to face him, her expression confused. “There’s only one bed.”

 Han frowned. “What?” He strode forward to see for himself and nearly swore at the sight of a single bed positioned against the center of the wall. “Receptionist lied! Must’ve run out of rooms with two beds and didn’t want to lose business.” He sighed shortly. “Well, I’m sure there are extra blankets in the closet. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

 Leia turned back to face the bed. She didn’t respond as a little pool of guilt was rising within her. Han had offered without a second thought, though, without hesitance. She could tell. So, Leia nodded and prepared for bed.

 She had no change of clothes yet, so Leia left on her pants and shirt for bed. She washed all the makeup from her face and changed her hair from a crown to a single braid that hung down her back. Then, she crawled under the covers for the night.

 “Is that even comfortable?” Han asked as he waltzed tiredly out of the refresher, only dressed in a plain shirt. And his underwear. Leia quickly averted her gaze.

 “Oh, come on, sweetheart. It's not like I've got nothing on!” He grinned at her. “Afraid of pheromones?”

 “Forget it. I'm tired and I want to go to sleep.”

 “Alright.” Han took a stack of blankets from the closet and dropped it on the floor beside an extra pillow. “Night, Princess.”

 “Goodnight, Han.”

* * *

 

 Leia woke to the morning dawn as the first bits of Corellia’s sun shone through the small viewport of her and Han’s hotel room and cast long shadows across the room.   
 Leia pushed her blankets back and stretched out her arms as she slowly woke with a long yawn. Quickly, she became aware that Han was still asleep as he filled the small room with his vociferous snores.  
  
 She risked a glance at the chrono on the nightstand beside her and grimaced as she calculated the mere two hours she’d slept. She really didn’t like sleeping. When she was tired, and it was night, Leia used that quiet time in bed to  _ rest  _ more than anything.  
  
 She pulled out the hair band that bound her hair in a braid, then ran her fingers through the long waves as she snuck into the refresher. She folded her clothes and left them on the counter before she stood in the sanisteam and washed herself. In the sanisteam caddy were tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner and Leia used those to wash her hair. Then, when she had finished, she dried herself off and put her white jumpsuit back on and sprayed a layer of perfume over her body in hopes of masking the heavy, lingering scent of oil and grease on her.  
  
 Han was still asleep, so Leia crept out of the room.

* * *

 

 Han laughed aloud at the sight that Leia had made her bed in the morning. He shook his head. Leia  _ was  _ the Ice Princess and someone needed to teach her how to relax. As if to make a statement, Han kicked his own blankets across the floor before he went to dress himself.

 Freshly showered and dressed in the least conspicuous clothes he had, Han made his way to the dining area where hotel guests were all making light conversation as they gathered up their own breakfast and ate. Han caught sight of Leia at a table in a corner. She sat with a small paper plate of bars. Han chuckled to himself. He strode straight for the breakfast bar before joining Leia.

 Carrying a plate stacked high with hotcakes, nerf links, and other breakfast accoutrements, Han strode over to join Leia in the little corner. “You weren’t even going to wait for me?” he asked, mostly joking, as he set his plate down. “You know, I could have helped you get your meal. It seems you don’t really understand what it means to take advantage of resources.” He swept a hand to his side to indicate the breakfast bar, then Leia’s dull plate. He pointed at it. “ _ That  _ isn’t a meal.”

 Leia carefully looked up at him, her expression deadpan. “Then, tell me what it is.”

 “ _ That  _ is Rebel rationing.  _ That  _ is what we are forced to do on a base with 500 others who are all starving every day after a dozen missions.  _ That  _ is the small pickings we get every morning and evening.” With his hand, Han picked up a hotcake from his own plate and slapped it onto Leia’s plate over her pile of bars. He was quick to grab the dark, berry syrup from the middle of the table and pour a pool of the sticky substance all over. “There. Now eat.”

 Leia looked back up to offer Han a cool glare. “If I wanted hotcakes, I think I would have grabbed some.”

 “Well, maybe you forgot.”

 “Or, maybe,” Leia picked up the hotcake from a small, dry part and raised it to return it to Han’s plate. “I didn’t.” She made to drop the hotcake, but Han seized her wrist and pushed to over her own plate. Her hand let go and the hotcake fell in the pool of syrup, causing a hard slap that sent syrup splattering across her jacket.

 When she looked back up, Leia’s hardened gaze vowed murder.

 Slowly, Han raised both hands. “Alright, now before you throw another tantrum-“

 “I don’t have any other clothes!” Leia whisper-screamed at him. “This is it! Unlike you, I don’t have  _ anything  _ else to wear! Nothing!”

 “Hey, calm down. You can just wash it.”

 Leia tilted her head. “And what do you want me to wear while I have them washed?”

 Han considered that for a moment before his mouth split into a wide grin.

 Leia’s eyes doubled in their flare of fury. “You’re-!”

 “Running out of words, Your Worship? I do have that effect on women, don’t I?”

 Without another word, Leia stormed off and made her way back to their room. Some gazes from around the dining area followed her. Han chuckled nervously. “Nothing for you guys to worry about,” he tried to assure them. “Just some . . . marital troubles.”

* * *

 

 When Han finally caught up to her in their hotel room, Leia was already standing in the refresher, a roll of wipes nearby as she worked feverishly to get out the purple syrup stains. She was in the process of rubbing a wet wipe dry as she scrubbed it against her jacket. Her gaze didn’t leave her work, but Leia noticed Han as he came in and she practically pounced on him with her fury. “It won’t come out!” she yelled at him, her gaze still glued to the stains.  
  
 “Hey, relax.”  
  
 “No! You idiot! You got  syrup all over my clothes and the stain won’t come out!”  
  
 Han sighed as he quickly approached her and grabbed the wipe from her hand. “Sweetheart, you’re rubbing it in. It’s only making it worse.” He pulled on her jacket. “See that? Now, let’s get this off.”  
  
 Leia slapped at his hands. “I’m only wearing a shirt underneath.”  
  
 Han stared at her. “Leia, did you really think I wanted you naked?”  
  
 Leia flushed and her gaze was quick to dart away.  
  
 “Well, you’re wearing something, aren’t you? It’s not like I’m gonna’ spend twenty minutes trying to see through your shirt. Come on. Take off your jacket. We’ll get it cleaned up-” He paused. Dropping the wet wipe in the garbage beside the sink, Han reached into his pocket and pulled out his credit card. “Why don’t you go to a store and pick out something for yourself.”

 “In this?” Leia looked at him like he was crazy.

 “Hey, relax! Just keep your jacket off and it’ll look fine. Besides, it’s warm out. Come on.” Han grabbed their keys from the dresser, then started out the door. “I’ll take you to find a store.” He stood there, holding the door open, waiting for Leia to follow. “Are you coming or not?”

* * *

 

“Please tell me you have some kind of plan,” Leia begged as she hurried to keep pace with Han. They walked briskly along the side pedestrian hoverwalks as speeders sped by and Corellians natives- humans, Selonians, and Dralls alike- hurried about their own business in downtown Coronet City, Corellia’s bustling capital.

 “Oh, I got a plan, sweetheart. Not saying you’re gonna’ like it, but I got one.”

 “Would you please stop calling me that!” Leia scorned him, freshly frustrated.

 “What? Sweetheart? Fine. Then, I’ll just use ‘Your Worship’ more often.”

 Leia blew a sigh out her nose. “Where are we going?”

 Han shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I thought, after we get you some new clothes, I could take you for a little tour around my home.”

 “Your home? You’re a smuggler. How much time do you really spend here?”

 Han seemed hurt by Leia’s accusation as his brows furrowed together, but he responded calmly. “I don’t know. But Corellia keeps calling me back. I love it here too much.”

 “They must have some great whiskey, then,” Leia quipped. Han just smiled.

 From his back pocket, he pulled out a few credits and handed the crisp bills to Leia. “I didn’t run into any problems at the bank-“

 “By pure luck.”

 “That’s right,” Han beamed proudly. “That should be enough for you, right? Then, after you get some clothes, we’re going to a salon.”

 Leia actually laughed. “A salon? Han Solo, I didn’t know your brown was unnatural!”

 “Funny, Princess. No. I’m talking about you. We’re lucky no one’s stared at you, yet. You need to dye your hair, cut it. Something.”

 Leia raised a hand to grab a wisp of her own rich, brown hair.

 “Yeah, I know,” Han mocked. “Your precious hair. You know, one dye job isn’t going to completely destroy your hair, Your Worship. If you dye it, I’m willing to bet our chances of getting caught will be cut in half. So, what do you say? For me?”

 Leia, with a smile, corrected, “I’d rather do it for Chewie.” Leia didn’t look at Han, but only heard him say, “You’re this close to getting kicked out of the bed.”

 “Oh, like you would be so rude as to take the bed for yourself.”

 “Watch me. While you’re sleeping, I’ll shove you off one side and you’ll never know what hit you.”

 Leia sighed. “ . . . I’m not dying my hair.”

 “Fine. Be sure to tell me how much you’re worth to the Imperials when they pick you up.”

 “I’m fully willing to wear a wig, but you are  _ not  _ dying my hair.”

 For some reason, Leia’s suggestion relieved him. Though, Han couldn’t begin to understand why. He risked a glance at her. This morning, she’d set up her hair in multiple braids which she’d twisted and fastened them down like a crown around her head. Small, short wisps of dark brown, however, hung loose, curled up near her ears. Han shoved aside the urge to tuck them past her ears.

 He sighed noisily, tearing his gaze away. “Well, whatever you decide to do with it, you need to do something about it soon. Too many people will recognize your hair.”

 “Because I suppose so many people spend so much time looking at my hair.”

 Han swallowed. Shaking away his current whirling thoughts, he told her almost harshly, “You’ve been acting really ridiculous lately. I’ve never seen you so impractical and it’s kind of driving me nuts, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped complaining for five minutes and tried to help me out here.” His pace quickened and, for a brief moment, Leia stopped and glared at his back.

 “I'm complaining?”

 “Yeah.” Han didn't stop for her. “And it’s really obnoxious.”

 “Then, why don’t you explain yourself first? I don’t get it, Han Solo! What happened between Ord Mantell and Hoth that you can no longer talk to me like I’m an equal.”

 “Sweetheart, are you that confused? How I talk to you every day is how I treat you like an equal.”

 “Then, what do you call your little act on Ord Mantell?”

 “I guess I just don’t see what the big deal about it is.”

 “It bothers me!”

 “Well, maybe it shouldn’t.”

 “Well, maybe I wouldn’t mind it if you talked like that to me more often.”

 Han threw his arms out. “I don’t even know what I was doing on Ord Mantell that was apparently so different.”

 Leia frowned so deeply, her forehead started to hurt from being pulled in with the expression. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t.”


	5. Chapter 5

At the counter of the dark “office” sat a spunky-looking young woman with dark, black hair, but soft brown eyes. Yet, when she looked up as Han and Leia entered, they turned guarded and sharp in an instant. She was dressed according to the building’s chill in slim pants and a warm dark coat that was lined in white fur around the hood. In her hands she held an old-fashioned datapad. She slapped it down on the desk she’d been leaning on, studying the duo as they entered. Her eyes followed them, slowly turning her chin up. Until Han came into her view so she could recognize him. At which point, her look became jovial.

“Solo!” she exclaimed, folding her arms across her chest. “I didn't think I'd see _ you _ again. What brings you back?”

“Hey, Mirax,” Han waved. “How's your father doing? He's still running that casino ship around?”

The woman, Mirax, smirked. “You of all people ought to know the  _ Venture  _ is much more than a casino ship. If I remember correctly,  _ Pulsar Skate  _ was giving your hunk of junk  _ Falcon  _ a run for her lightspeed.”

 “That’s only as far as smuggling ships go.” Han shook his head. “But you haven’t seen her since since we’ve gotten some new modifications.”

 “Mmm,” Mirax nodded, seemingly unconvinced. “So, Solo. What brings you crawling back here? You must be desperate.”

 “Honestly? I could use some help.” He turned back to Leia who stood just beside him. Gesturing toward Mirax, he told her, “This is Mirax Terrik. Her father and I go way back.”

 “More smugglers?” Leia asked.

 Mirax just grinned. “Maybe. And who are you?”

 Leia was wearing her hood over her head again and she pulled it back to reveal her recognizable features to the younger woman. Mirax gaped before swinging her gaze back to Han. “What are you doing these days? A princess? Well, kriff!”

 “Hey, Mirax, we need to lie low on Corellia for a while.”

 Mirax’s eyes bulged. “Wait just a moment! Are you- with the  _ Alliance?” _

__ “Mirax, we need help.”

 She waved a hand, dismissively. “Alright, alright. Chill out. What can I do for you both?”

 Han pointed a thumb at Leia. “She needs your best makeup crew. And then we could use some new identichips.”

 Mirax nodded once as she surveyed Leia. “Got it.” She reached out a hand for Leia to shake, telling her, “Come with me. I’ll fix you right up.”

* * *

 

 “So,” Mirax smiled as she began. She turned to a wide closet and dug out several pairs of jackets and pants. “You and the captain, huh?”

 Leia sort of flinched- or started as she registered Mirax’s simple question. Slowly, she turned to face the Corellian woman. “What do you mean?”

 She just smiled as she turned back to Leia, holding up a pair of gray pants. She held them up to Leia’s waist and her eyes bulged. “For heaven’s sake- you’re tiny!” She spun back around and returned to shuffling through the closet. “Oh, we ought to have something for you. Now, about Captain Solo, I think you know exactly what I mean.”

 “I’m sorry; I really don’t.”

 Mirax considered this for a moment, her eyes narrowing; she didn’t believe it. “Well, then. You know, it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen Han traveling with a lady friend. You must be very special.”

 In response, Leia laughed shortly. “Hardly. We were evacuating a Rebel base, fleeing Imperials, and the hyperdrive was broken.”

 “That sounds like the  _ Falcon;  _ broken at the worst time possible. . .  So, you and Han aren’t- together.”

 “You insult me.”

 “Oh, come on. Solo may be a bit rough around the edges, but he isn’t that awful.”

 Leia snorted. “If you know him so well, have you noticed how obnoxious he is?”

 Mirax shrugged. “I’ve never thought him obnoxious. What did you do to him?”

 Leia quickly turned to look coolly at her. “Why are you taking his side?”

 “I don’t know. You’re the one who’s getting all defensive about how awful a guy he is. I can’t say I know him like a great friend, but I’ve known him a while. My father knows him better. They’ve helped each other often in the past.”

 “With their smuggling operations,” Leia clarified.

 Mirax, her face remaining deadpan, merely responded, “Sometimes, it’s really the only way to make a living.”

 Leia honestly considered that for a moment. “You believe that?”

 Mirax paused her work for a moment. “I was young when my mother died,” she started to explain. “It was around that time that my father fell deep in debt after an investment gone wrong. He had no means of supporting me.”

 “So, he started smuggling,” Leia deduced.

 “Oh!” Mirax laughed and she set herself back to work, laying out an outfit, then pulling a tie off her wrist. She sat Leia down before a mirror and started pulling back her hair in a simple pony. “My father was already a smuggler. Off and on, at least. He’d settled into a domestic life after years of privateering and smuggling once he married my mother. But then she died.”

 “I’m sorry to hear that.”

 Looking at Leia through the mirror, she gave her a sad sort of smile. “It’s not your fault, Princess. I was so young, I don’t remember her.”

 Leia wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so she remained quiet and sunk back in her chair.

 Mirax cleared her throat. “Anyway! I could promise you there’s much more to any smuggler you’re destined to come across. Especially Han Solo. Like I said, I don’t know him too well, but I know that he’s a decent guy. He just doesn’t have everything he needs. I think he’s still looking.”

 Mirax fixed a dark wig to cover Leia’s brunette hair, then gave her a change of clothes. She did a quick makeup job, then pointed Leia out. “That should do for now,” she said in approval of her own work as the two women made their way to the front of the rented out space. “Why don’t you go show Han now.”

* * *

 

When Leia came back out, he hardly recognized her. Instead of her Alliance-issued white snowsuit and vest, she wore a pair of tight-fitting black pants and a dark red jacket that hung open to allow a peek of the black tank top underneath and the dangerous V-neckline. Her hair- most astonishingly- was not a soft brown but a sharp jet black. Her thin lips were coated in a deep burgundy color and it accented the smokey eye look Mirax had given her. And then there were her eyes; Mirax must have given her contacts of some sort because Leia’s irises were a greyish-green instead of their usual warm brown. Something about that bothered Han. While Leia fit the image of the kind of women he used to pick up at cantinas, something about the whole look didn’t settled well in Han’s gut.

 “Did you dye your hair?” was his first response.

 Leia blinked in confusion, but shook her head. “No; it’s just a wig.”

 Han’s shoulders relaxed and he nodded.

 “So,” Leia held out her arms and asked, “What do you think?”

 Han took in a breath and he nodded, his eyes running up and down Leia for a second time. “You look . . . unrecognizable.”

 From behind Leia, Mirax beamed with pride. “You like it? I thought she would do well with a little sharper, rougher look.”

 “Yeah,” Han agreed, still dumbfounded by Leia’s transformation. “It’s very different.” He managed a laugh. “We should have no trouble with being recognized.”

 “That’s the point,” Mirax said with a shrug. She slipped back behind her desk, picked up her datapad, and started furiously typing away. “Now all you need is a new identity. Where are you from?”

 “She’s Corellian,” Han quickly answered as he recovered himself. “Same age, same height.” He flipped a hand. “Just- her name is all, I think. And birthday.”

 “And home planet,” Mirax added quietly. “Got it! Your new identity will be ready in less than half an hour! Now, it’s been a pleasure doing business, Solo.”

* * *

 

 “So.”

 “So?”

 Leia rolled her lips between her teeth. “You didn’t say much about my new look.”

 “What? Do you want me to compliment this whole dark and mysterious thing you got going on?”

 Leia gave a little shrug, her gaze falling to the walkway. “I don’t know. You just seem unusually quiet. I’m trying to figure out what it is.”

 “And you think it’s your outfit?”

 Leia smiled, amused with her own thoughts when Han put it that way. She tossed her head, sending her short, ebony curls flying. “I don’t know  _ what  _ it is, so why don’t you tell me?”

 Han shrugged it off. “It’s nothing. It looks fine. You look  _ great.” _

Leia cringed.

“Now that’s taken care of.”

“Just how long are we planning on staying here?”

“Well, after our little bug friend, I’d like to get the  _ Falcon  _ checked out before we leave. Make sure the repairs are up to standard too. No, you know what? I might just do that myself.”

 “We certainly wouldn’t want any loyal Imperialist mechanics recognizing that old piece of junk,” Leia agreed.

 Han flashed her a grin. “You think she’s that famous?”

 Leia rolled her eyes. “I think we need to be wary of being recognized.”

 Han nodded, then left the moment to an awkward silence.

 “It’s the new look, isn’t it?” Leia suddenly spoke up again. She watched Han carefully with an amused look, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

 “Huh?”

 “It’s the new look. You don’t like it.”

 Immediately, Han was wide awake with alarm. “No! When did I ever say anything about not liking the look! It’s just fine!”

 “You know, you don’t have to say anything. In fact, that’s how I realized it. You aren’t saying much at all. No pointed, snide comments. No extra commentary or mocking. You really don’t like it, do you?”

 “I don’t have a problem with it,” Han insisted as he raised his hands in a mock surrender gesture. “I think you just- look a little  _ different.  _ I’m not entirely sure the whole edgy, dark look suits you.”

 “Hm.”

 “I mean, you look  _ great!  _ Just- not how I’m used seeing you.”

 “Right.”

 “What? Do  _ you  _ have a problem with the outfit?”

 Leia frowned. “No.” She looked at Han carefully. “No, I don’t.”

* * *

 

 It took a surprisingly long time before Leia began to question where Han was even going as she followed at his side. She’d been under the impression that he was taking her back to their hotel; Leia didn’t know her way around, so how would she tell the difference? After a while, however, Leia was sure she didn’t recognize any of the shops or buildings and her curiosity grew. “Where are we?” she asked as Han led her closer to the downtown area; the sounds of a lively city grew in its boisterousness.

 Han assumed the casual stride of any Corellian civilian passerby. His posture was loose and his hands were stuffed in his pockets as he glanced around from shop to shop. Leia took the cue and relaxed her shoulders, forced her hand to wander away from its position near her hip where hid a discrete blaster. She put on a pleasant face while she waited for Han’s response.

 “I thought I’d take you sightseeing,” he answered. “Seeing as you’ve never been to Corellia before.”

 Leia objected, “I’ve visited before!”

 “Let me guess. You visited the chamber where the senate meets.”

 “ . . . Yes, in fact, I did.”

 Han smiled, nodding. “Called it.”

 “So. You’re giving me the tour. What places will we be seeing today, Captain Solo?”

 “Well, we’ve already arrived at our first stop,” he announced. “Coronet, the capital of Corellia.”

 Leia glanced across the open square and at the dense crowds of people traveling up and down the streets, lining just outside rows of shops. “Is this a market square?” she asked.

 “No. Plaza.” He pointed, “and joint shops.”

 Leia turned her attention to the center of the plaza where a statue of a pilot stood proudly where one might expect a fountain. The statue wasn’t tall, either, but shorter as the alusteel man was kneeling on the ground, his blue-grey lips kissing the ground. In his other hand was crushed an Ervizsa- a flower from the planet Duro that Leia knew to be long extinct. Casually, she pointed to the statue. “What does it mean?” she asked, lightly elbowing Han.

 He cast his gaze in the same direction, then grimaced. “The president calls it nationalism,” he explained, “but I call it ethnocentricity.”

 Leia snorted. “You should know.”

 Han scowled at her. “It was a long time ago, hundreds of years ago. Corellia and Duro had a huge war for a couple years. Part of what led to Duro’s collapse. Duro thought they’d steal Corellia from this sector. It was an easy defeat; the war only lasted so long because Duro used everything they had even past their bankruptcy. Anyway, when Corellia finally ended the war, they mocked Duro for their defeat and the nasty stuff that happened over there afterward. This statue was made- sometime later. It’s supposed to stand for Corellia’s strength and the ultimate  _ Corellian pride.  _ Trust me; I’ve got as much Corellian pride as the guy next door- and some to spare- but  _ this-“ _

__ “This is repulsive,” Leia said with a glare directed at the statue. “It looks so nice and joyful-“

 “But it isn’t half as pretty.”

 Leia fell silent.

 “Come on,” Han said gruffly and he began walking in the other direction. “Corellia really isn’t that bad. You have to see.” A sudden light came to his eyes and it was followed by an eager grin. Looking Leia in the eyes, he took her hand. Leia’s eyes flashed but Han didn’t seem to notice- he was already off, hurrying with her down the street. The crowds became just a little thinner, but it was still one of the main roads of the downtown area of Coronet. Han guided her to the sidewalk as speeders and longer public service transports zipped back and forth. A signpost stood by the end of the sidewalk announcing the point where one could wait to hail a public speeder. Beside it was a bench. Behind  _ it  _ was a concrete dugout to sit in. The ground was dirty and gross, littered with garbage, fruit peels, and fast-food wrappers. But Han sat down on the ground and pulled Leia down with him. Leia gasped and all her protests were lost as she plopped on the ground beside him. When they were both settled on the ground beside each other, Leia looked at him to frown. “What are we doing on the ground?”

 Han frowned back. “I take it you don’t spend much time on the ground.”

 “I suppose not.”

 He sighed as he looked away for a moment. “Maybe we should change that.” When Han glanced again at Leia- her face was a brilliant bright red. Han rolled his eyes. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that!”

 Leia quickly looked away. “So. What are we doing this for?”

 For the longest moment, Han didn’t respond. His eyes wandered around the area, never settling too long on one spot. He didn’t smile nor frown, but seemed just content enough to watch. “I’ve got a lot of memories on this planet. A lot of memories here,” he said and slapped the pavement on which they both sat. “I was just a kid when I used to sit here and beg. I didn’t get how the galaxy worked yet. I thought that- one day- the world as I understood it would just completely change. Like I’d just wake up one day and I would see everything twenty shades brighter than I used to.”

 Leia- her features marred in empathy- reflected sadness, “Han, that’s called hope.”

 Han seemed stunned as he allowed his gaze to settle on Leia for just a moment. “Well, kriff.”

 Leia let the slightly uncomfortable silence hang for another moment before she picked the terse conversation back up. With curiosity, she asked, “You said you used to beg here?”

 Han nodded. “Yeah. Until a guy by the name of Shrike picked me up. Still can’t decide if I’d rather he didn’t pick me up at all.”

 “Well, would you like where you’d be if he hadn’t taken you any more than you like where you’re at now?”

 Han considered that. He laughed shortly. “You got me there. I s’pose I’ve got myself in a better place than I would have been. Fierfek! I might still be here, sitting on the ground if that old pirate hadn’t kidnapped me.”

 Leia chuckled at the irony. “See? This isn’t so awful, is it?”

 “Naw, it isn’t. Not really. ‘Cause, now I’ve got a nice home and good friends. . . . And the Rebellion’s not too bad. I guess.”

 Leia smiled, just a touch amused. “My, Captain Solo, you ought to be careful. One might think you like it there.”

 Han laughed shortly and smiled too. “Yeah. Maybe I do like it a little.”

 “What do you like about it?”

 “The people are a lot nicer. Except for the guys in High Command. I hate them. But not you, of course. I just mean the rest of them.”

 “Why do you hate them so much?”

 He shrugged. “Sometimes, I know. Other times, I just walk into a meeting and I feel like their eyes are glaring at my back. I guess they don’t like me, so why should I try and like them?”

 “Eh, they aren’t very fond of you, are they?”

 “No, but that’s fine ‘cause I don’t care. I got my friends. That’s good enough for me.”

 “Your ‘friends’ as in Chewie.”

 “And Luke! And Wedge, Hobbie, Celchu. Janson’s nice too- when he’s not pulling a prank or telling some corny joke.”

 “Oh, no; you must be mistaken. Luke’s jokes are corny. Janson could make a career as a stand-up comedian if Wedge ever kicked him out of his squadron,” Leia swore and Han knew it.

 “I like all the Rogues. And we talk a lot.”

 “So, you could call the Rebellion home?”

 Han went silent for a moment and Leia silently cursed herself as she wondered if she pushed too far. After a while, he shrugged. “Maybe. I know it’s one of the closest things to home I’ve had.”

 “I suppose the  _ Falcon  _ is your true home.”

 “I guess so.”

 Han got up to his feet and Leia watched him pace around before he came back to her and reached out a hand. “Come on.”

 Leia took his hand and let him help her up. “Where is the tour taking us now?”

 Han shook his head. “It’s getting late. Why don’t we pick up some dinner from a restaurant and head back to the hotel?”

 “Okay. Am I going to get to try authentic Corellian food?”

 Han grinned at her. “Sure thing, but I don’t know how well you’re going to handle that.”

 Leia frowned at him, the slightest smirk trying to take over her lips. “Are you saying I won’t be able to handle it? Because I’d love to take the challenge.”

 Han paused. “Challenge?”

 Leia nodded curtly. “Challenge accepted.”

 Han just laughed and he led her back down the lively streets of Coronet City.


	6. Chapter 6

The more Leia thought about it, the stranger and more abstract the word 'home' seemed to be. Also- the more heartbreaking.

Whenever possible, Leia tried to avoid thinking about home for too long, but the questions seemed to be following her lately. The Rebellion no longer felt like home like Leia had once been able to make herself feel. The more and more she thought about it, the more she missed Alderaan and the more she realized that the rebellion wasn't a home at all.

That meant she was homeless.

And that only reminded Leia that she was also an orphan.

Despite the fact that Alderaan's legal adult age had been 17 and Leia had already been 19 when she'd left, she'd always felt like an orphan. But it had never been so hard to push the thought from her mind as it was now. And, truly, there was little else she hated than realizing she was an orphan and that she was homeless. It felt awful. Even if she had a bed and was provided with food, nothing could feel like home like an actual- like her home in the palace back on Alderaan. Where all her family and friends had been. Everything she had now felt like so little compared to her life before. She had Luke and- Han? That was it. Everything else meant so little. Nothing else to her life was as real as the friendship she'd carved out with them. She'd made it mean something because- otherwise- she would have nothing. And she still had no home.

But Han had a home. He had a place he could come back to whenever he felt like it- whenever he felt homesick. Leia would never have that. Her home was gone, its final sparks of life dissipated into the vacuum of space. Simply gone.

Leia clutched at her pillow as unbidden tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She bit the inside of her lip and kept her eyes open wide.

In her and Han's hotel room, she was encompassed by darkness and silence. She could hear Han's noisy snores drifting from the floor. Normally, it annoyed her to no end, but today Leia found it was almost a comfort. But it wasn't enough.

Leia was full of an emptiness that seemed to be growing larger with every passing minute. The emptiness threatened to take her before she could object. Leia turned her head into her pillow and muffled a quiet scream. She punched a fist against the mattress, hoping it would be a worthy substitution for the tears she refused to let fall.

* * *

Han woke to the sound of the bed rattling. Cries and moans followed and Han jumped from the floor, alarmed at the awful noises. There were cries in a tongue Han did not recognize- wasn't sure he'd even heard before. The language was soft and delicate but was made to sound horrific and tragic with the way they were being screamed and gurgled. The thrashing continued and the springs under the mattress screeched in protest.

Alarm mode setting in, Han hurried over and saw Leia writhing on the bed. One hand was caught up in her hair, pulling, while the other was twisted up in the blankets and scratching at the mattress. She screamed and kicked and cried and the sight just about scared Han. No, it did. In a rush, Han leaned over her and tried to reach her shoulders. "Leia," he spoke her name. "Leia! Leia, wake up! Wake up!" He grabbed ahold of her, wrestling her flailing arms and legs just to come near her. Firmly holding her shoulders, he finally yelled her name and she snapped awake, but came to panting and shaking. When her eyes met Han's, they were wide with shock and fear; her dark eyes were so wide on her pale face.

"Hey," Han began to soothe and he loosened his grip. "It's me. What's wrong? What happened? A nightmare?"

Rather quickly, Leia calmed herself, only a small trace of her weakness still showing. For some reason, Han _hated_ it when she did that.

Leia gently pushed him away and folded in on herself. Han hovered closely, watched her carefully. "You okay?" he asked.

Leia gave an odd shake of her head and tried to assure him, "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Han quickly put in before Leia had the chance to spout out some poor excuse. "You look awful."

"Well, thanks!" Leia spat at him.

"Really, Leia. What happened?"

Leia shook his arm off. "It was just a nightmare," she insisted. "It was nothing. Really."

Only because he wouldn't get anywhere with Leia by attacking her, Han gave her space. Considering her answer, he asked, "Do you have nightmares often?"

* * *

His voice was so gentle. It blew over her, reassuring her, relaxing her racing nerves, loosening her muscles. Willingly or not? Leia wasn't sure, but she had to admit she felt much better being so relaxed. Physically, that is. Leia's mind and heart still pounded with anxiety.

She looked to Han, still working to catch her breath. "Sometimes." She tried to dismiss it with a shrug, but- against her will- more tears gathered in her eyes. At once, she squeezed them shut, but when she opened them again, they fell. It seemed to put Han in an awkward situation and he regarded her with what bravery he could muster. His expression gave away all his unease, but Leia could tell he was making an honest effort. Leia turned away to hide her fleeting smile.

"Do they always-" Han struggled with his words. "Are they always that bad?"

Leia turned back to him. True fear was painted in his eyes and it stirred warm, pleasant feelings within Leia as she realized that Han cared. Besides that, Leia had never talked to anyone about her nightmares, but Han seemed so concerned- and Leia doubted she would be able to get him to let it go. She wasn't sure that she wanted to go down that path and discuss her mental stability.

"Leia. How often do you have nightmares? And are they always this bad?"

"Trust me, this one wasn't so bad," she rushed to assure him before realizing her mistake. She sighed. "It's nothing you need to worry about."

"That wasn't bad?"

"It was fine, okay? Could we please drop this?"

"How often do you have nightmares like this?"

"I've been having them for three years, Han! I think I can handle it by myself, thank you very much!"

Han frowned at her. "What? So, you want me to just ignore it the next time you wake up screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night?"

"Look, I'm truly sorry I woke you up, but can we please just drop this?"

"Leia, I don't care that you woke me up! If you're suffering, I want to know if I can help you!"

Leia stood on her knees on the bed, grabbing a pillow and flinging it at Han. "I don't need your help, Solo! I'm fine! I've managed for three years by myself, so leave me alone!"

Han stopped for a moment, holding Leia's pillow in his arms before him. "Three years?" he whispered. "Wait. Are your nightmares about the Death Star?"

"Not always," Leia said quietly just as the door to their hotel room was hammered against and an employee barged in. "What's with the noise?" he growled, glaring back and forth between Leia and Han, his thick brows knitted together fiercely. "We're getting complaints from a few floors up _and_ down!"

"I'm sorry, sir," Han apologized. "I-er-" He looked around the room before his gaze settled on the refresher. "I thought I saw a spider," he answered, holding his pillow up for emphasis. From behind him, Leia fell onto the mattress, stifling her giggles in a hand. Han couldn't help the choked-off laugh that he gave. His gaze fell back to the floor and he threw the pillow over his shoulder before smacking it against the floor. Grinning up at the bellhop, he said, "I think I got it."

The bellhop only glared harder before he gave a great huff. "I better not get another complaint on this room or else both of you are never allowed back here!"

"Yes, sir," Han waved as the man left.

"Why did you do that?" Leia asked from behind him. She was still smiling, her laughter slowly dying down.

"Well, I definitely don't want to get kicked out of here." He looked at her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Leia lowered her gaze. Her fingers started picking at the end of her blanket. "I'll be fine."

"Will you tell me what the nightmare was about?"

Leia twisted her lips, considering for a moment before nodding. "It's weird to see you here."

"Weird?"

"I mean- it's weird to hear you talk about a planet as being your home rather than that junky ship of yours."

Han feigned a wounded spirit and frowned. "You say junky like it's a bad thing."

Leia gave her eyes a quick roll. "Maybe it's really critical of me, but it just _is_ weird to hear you talk about Corellia with all these memories and places you love like it's your home when you make it sound like you make sure to never stay in any city for over a week."

Han shrugged. "I guess I can't blame you. Maybe I don't stay for long, but I do like coming back here. You know, there's this Corellian proverb I've always liked. _'The bigger the galaxy, the sweeter the homecoming'._ I guess I like the homecoming part the most."

Leia frowned at that. "You have an odd way of looking at things."

Han shrugged. "You learn to put a brighter twist on things when there only seems to be a dark way of looking at things."

"Since when did you become so poetic."

Han almost laughed. He moved to sit on the bed beside Leia. "You know, Corellia isn't really my home."

"Sure, it isn't."

"It's not."

"You act like it's home."

"Again, I like to visit. I don't have a home. I travel. I keep on going. I never stay in one place for too long. The only home I have is the _Falcon._ Just me, Chewie, and the _Falcon._ "

"Would you ever want to settle down? I mean, with quarters on Corellia? In one place?"

" . . . I don't know." Han started, then craned his neck to turn his full attention back to Leia at his side. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Leia seemed startled that they were already back to _her._

"What? Thought you were going to slip out of this?"

Leia slid her gaze away. "I've had nightmares like this since the Death Star. It's nothing new. It just- it never gets any easier. Nearly every night, I have the same nightmares, but it never hurts any less."

Han slid just a little bit closer to her. "Are they just about the Death Star?"

She shook her head. "A lot of them are about the Death Star- but, I've been having more about Alderaan lately."

"I'm sorry," Han said quietly. "It must be awful to have to relive that all the time."

Leia didn't respond. A heavy, uncomfortable silence grew between them and Leia fidgeted awkwardly where she sat. "It doesn't get any easier, but you get used to it."  
Han stared at her for a moment, simply stunned. "Why do you never tell anyone it's so bad?"

"Because I don't need to tell anyone." Her gaze suddenly turned sharp and she glared at him. "I don't need to be telling you!"

"But I think you need to tell me. You need to tell someone. Do you really want to live with all of that locked up inside of you? How are you supposed to get that out? How do you cope-"

And just like that, Leia's gaze melted and she was robbed of her words.

And Han knew. "I can't imagine using work as a coping method."

"It's not a coping method," Leia spat out bitterly. "It's- it's a distraction."

Han snorted. "No kidding." When he didn't apologize for his rudeness, he continued, "You have to come up with something better than burying yourself under mounds of problems that aren't even your problems to deal with. You're just letting High Command run you right over. Don't you want to find an actual solution? Some kind of way to deal with your grief in a healthy way?"

"I don't know how to deal with it, okay?" Leia suddenly erupted and she took her other pillow to slam that one at Han as well. He just took it. "I don't _want to_ have to deal with that. I don't want to have to feel that emptiness for a second longer than I must."

Han stood on his knees on the mattress. His gaze turned so soft, it calmed Leia almost instantly and she couldn't help the reassurance that filled her. Even if the pain was till seeping into her awareness. Looking at her with the most gentle gaze, Han suggested, "Then, why don't you find something to fill that emptiness?"

Leia blinked. Her muscles relaxed.

"You and Luke are really close friends, right?"

Leia nodded dumbly.

"And- well, I'm here." He added quietly, "For you. If you ever need someone, you know."

Leia narrowed her eyes ever so slightly at him, but then she dropped her chin and her fingers returned to picking at the blankets.

Han sighed, then returned to sitting at Leia's side. "Look, I'd love to help you, but I can't help you if you don't let me."

"And how are you going to help me?" She turned to face him. "Han, for the last three years, I've been stuck with these recurring nightmares in my head." She buried her hands in her hair for emphasis. "No matter what I do, no matter what I try, they don't stop. Almost every night, I see them. I see the Death Star again and I see the laser. And I hear them crying and screaming for help. They're screaming at me. And all I have to do is say one little word. But I don't. And then they all die. All of them. Every woman and child, every mother and father, every baby, every-"

Leia broke off and Han thought he saw tears glistening in her eyes. In the dim, muted light, it was hard to tell, but Han was sure he wasn't just seeing things. Those tears of such pain were really there. He wasn't sure that he'd ever seen Leia cry. Honestly, it relieved Han to see her mourning rather than keeping all her anxieties and sorrows pent up and locked away.

"Everyone," she continued. "My friends and family, too. There are no exceptions. Except for me. And I wish I wasn't. I wish I was dead with them, with my friends and family and tutors and people and with my home." Her lips quivered and her next words- though they should sound angry- were sadder than anything else. "It's not fair that you, Han _Solo_ , have a home if I don't," she cried. "It's not fair that I had a home I cared about, but I lost it. And you- you brought me here to show me this home of yours that you hardly ever stay on, but you always know it will be here for you to come back to."

And in a few sentences, Leia had twisted with Han's gut, filling him with guilt. Leia had suffered so much in such a short time; how was Han supposed to respond to that? He had nothing to compete with that. It was so simple; Leia was right.

"I don't know, Leia," he finally said; he found that he struggled to look her in the eyes as he admitted defeat. "You're right, Leia. I'm ungrateful, so maybe I could work on that, but why don't you let me help you? Let someone help you! Please!"

"And why do _you_ care so much?"

"Because it kriffing drives me insane watching you, Leia! It drives me insane watching you work yourself to death because you don't know how else to deal with it!"

Leia shook her head. Her eyes clouded over like she thought she knew some secret that Han had yet to understand. "No, Han. I can't let myself get dragged down because I can't let Alderaan go. I have to keep working. I have to get something done. I have to make up for Alderaan. I have to free the rest of the galaxy to even come close to avenging what was done to my home. I don't have the time to be weak."

Han hushed her without words, but with gentle actions. He pulled her back down on the bed and- to keep her still- he slipped an arm around her shoulders. Slowly, she relaxed and lied down. Han pulled her blankets over her and her neck let her head rest, let it rest on Han's chest. He held her in a comfortable grip, his embrace light and gentle where it wrapped around her.

"Leia, I would never accuse you of being weak. I don't think you're weak at all. It's not even that you're just human because I know how you work, how you drive yourself when you're hurting. I think you just need to learn to be okay with hurting. It's okay, you know. You don't need to always be - you're always strong, but you don't always need to pretend that you're perfectly okay."

Leia's gaze darted back to meet his as she quickly objected, "Yes, I do!"

Han almost laughed. "No, you don't. Maybe you should in front of the Alliance troops, but you don't have to be like that around me."

Leia's gaze softened at once and her behavior turned nervous in an instant. It took a second, but Han quickly understood and he drew back from Leia, giving her space. "I-I'm sorry," he stuttered, his gaze darting about the room. The only rule was that he couldn't look at Leia for at least another half minute. "I didn't mean it like that. Er- I didn't mean to imply anyth-"

* * *

Leia blushed as Han's words flew through her head. She pushed them from her mind, dismissing them with a quick shake of her head. She was so tired; she didn't want to have to think about that a second longer. Leia tried not to think about it too much as she resettled herself, casually nestling herself beside Han. Closing her eyes, she murmured, "I'm really tired, Han."

"Okay," Han nodded. "Okay. You just- you just go to sleep. And I'll be here if you need me."


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N.** So sorry for the belated update, but here it is! Enjoy!

* * *

Leia woke up pleasantly warm and comfortable. Her eyes fluttered open, then squeezed shut in rejection to the brilliant sunlight flooding in through the viewport. Once her eyes adjusted, she smiled at it. She stretched her arms out to her side in typical waking-up fashion until her hand met a new warmth and she froze for a second.

Han only groaned a little at the touch.

Slowly, she craned her neck to see the confirmation of what she'd hit. And there lied Han Solo. In the bed with her. Lying right at her side.

"Kriff!" Leia quietly swore, but jumped out of bed and scurried to put some distance between herself and the offending furniture. Her hands twisted up in her already snarled hair, Leia surveyed the scene- unable to look away. " _Nooo!_ Kriff! You stupid bed! Oh, fierfek, no!"

Leia pulled at her hair, biting her own lip as punishment for what had happened. Mortified, she covered her face and stifled the urge to scream.

She stopped for a moment. She was still standing before the bed.

Assuring herself that Han was still deep asleep, Leia hurried to the dresser, running on light feet before pulling out a shirt and pants in a rush, then scampering off to the refresher. She washed herself, got dressed. When she got out of the refresher, she glanced towards the bed. Han was still sleeping. She exhaled in relief and left quickly, rushing out the door and running down the stairs as if she feared Han waking up and hurrying to catch her. On her way out, Leia passed the dining area and made her way out of the hotel. She ran outside where a cold breeze came racing to bite at her exposed skin. She wore only a short-sleeved shirt and a pair of slim gray pants that fell just above her ankles. She hugged herself to protect herself from the cold.

Long lines of speeder traffic sped by. Leia sat before the hotel, against the building, and settled in to watch. And, of course, to curse herself.

She'd slept with Han Solo.

Alright, it wasn't exactly like that. But they'd still slept in the same bed for most of the night. Fierfek! How could she have let this happen? After that, Han would never let her live this down. She didn't need that from him. She didn't need Han hovering over her shoulder for the next few months, always there to constantly remind her that she let him hold her. That, after a moment of weakness, she let him lie with her. And he spent the rest of the night in her bed.

Oh, hutt slime, she was such an idiot! She squeezed her face between both hands, wishing for some way to purify herself of the incident. She felt like she had a bit of Han Solo on her- as if he were some kind of fragrance- and Leia needed to wash the scent off of her. But she'd already taken a sanisteam and that hadn't done a thing for her. She'd changed her clothes, performing the transition from Leia, Rebel leader and radical to some dirty Corellian street urchin who worked bedside Han Solo in the smuggling industry. She could pretend she was this someone else, but it didn't make Leia feel any better. Her conscience was still clouded with the memory of Han Solo's arms wrapped around her, comforting her, chasing away all her nightmares.

He'd made her pain and emptiness go away, made her feel _better._

There had been a healing property to the way Han had treated her last night and Leia hated herself for even thinking it, but it was true. Han had comforted her, but the night had ended on a note that Leia had been unprepared for. Whether he had forgotten to get out of her bed or not, Leia could not handle this.

"Hey!" Leia jumped at the friendly sound of Han Solo's voice. Her heart leapt into her throat. Han settled to sit down beside her. "I've been looking for you. What are you doing out here?"

He'd showered before joining her, Leia noted. His hair was still drying, combed out, the short waves all tousled about in their own organized chaos. He smelled of the breakfast bar's spiced hotcakes and a musky, spicy cologne. Against her own will, Leia took a quick whiff of the strong aroma, then quickly shrunk away.  
"What are _you_ doing? Looking for me?"

"Well, yeah! You weren't in our room or at breakfast."

"I just wanted a moment alone."

"A moment a-" He stopped himself. His face cleared and then he huffed, posting his hands on his hips. "Look, Princess. You can get mad at me all you want just 'cause I made you feel better-"

"And _slept in my bed."_

"But that's not going to change anything. If it makes you feel any better, I am sorry. You should know I wouldn't do that to you on purpose. It just happened."

Still furious, Leia rounded up on him. "How did it 'just happen'? How did you just forget to get out of my bed before falling asleep?"

"Hey! It's not that hard! Now, listen here, sweetheart. I was just trying to help you. You need to learn to accept help when offered."

Leia glared at him in disgust, sneering, "Oh, don't you try to pull that fodder on me! That isn't what this is about! This is about the fact that you crawled into my bed and fell asleep."

"You don't believe me when I say it was an accident? Because it was! I just wanted to make sure you were okay-"

"So, you stayed in my bed."

"Well, I didn't hear _you_ objecting."

Leia's face turned a stunning scarlet and Han could have grinned in victory. He was about to win another one of their matches if he just hadn't already.

"Now, if you would excuse me, I didn't get to finish my hotcakes."

* * *

Her latest argument with Han left Leia fuming in profound rage. Or, was it more exasperation? Whichever it was, Leia couldn't get over their exchange. She couldn't get over any of what had happened this morning. And Han was left so unbothered by it all; Leia could almost say that it wasn't fair. Leia had a conscience. While Han may not care about what he'd done, Leia had her own morals and her own rules for herself. Last night should never have happened and it made her livid that Han had stolen that first from her without her consent.

 _Oh, get a grip!_ Leia scorned herself, still trying to figure out what exactly she was supposed to feel and how to deal with this precarious scenario. _Maybe Han is right. He wasn't trying to do any harm; it was an honest mistake. It just- happened. And it will never happen again._

But doubt still nibbled at her, curdling up her insides like spoiled blue milk. It made Leia queasy just thinking about the fact that she and Han had shared a bed last night.

But there was one thing that made her even sicker.

And that was how great it had felt.

* * *

By the late afternoon, Leia had finally managed to get out of her mind the warm sensation of Han's arms wrapped comfortingly around her small frame. Though his masculine body scent still lingered, she was finding it easier to move on with her day. She had a quick breakfast of two oat bars and a small cup of assorted Sacorrian fruits. She finished her fruit first, then one bar. She took the second bar upstairs with her while she sat down with her datapad and tried to connect to the Rebel Alliance's intergalactic networks. Her signal was blocked, but she kept at it for the lack of anything better to do.

She swiped out of the page on her datapad before trying again, running her planned-out message through her head once more. _Help. This is identity code Vengeance's Blade. I am stuck on Corellia with Captain Solo. No hyperdrive._ (That blasted hyperdrive!) She was about to retype the Alliance network's code and frequency when Han burst into the room, grinning in the way that Leia had quickly learned meant he had a good argument ready for her. Instinctively, Leia put on her own sabacc face.  
"I've been thinking about this whole situation."

Leia crossed her arms. "And you've finally come to apologize."

Beaming eagerly, Han shook his head. "Not quite, sweetheart." He shut the door behind himself and marched over to where Leia sat. "See, I came to realize a very crucial piece of evidence that you are neglecting."

Leia laughed shortly. "I don't think any more evidence is necessary, Solo. I think it's pretty clear what happened."

"Ahh! Your Worship, that's where you're mistaken. A single piece of evidence can completely turn a case around. See, I've been thinking about what happened last night and I realized that this isn't just my fault. In fact, it's mostly _your_ doing."

"Oh, please! Where did you come up with this?"

"Hey, just listen! You remember last night, right?"

"Of course, I do! I remember very clearly that you didn't get out of my bed!"

"Well, you know what I remember?" Han said this is a quiet, suggestive tone as he kneeled before her and rested a hand on her thigh. Growing alarmed, Leia slapped it away, glaring at his crooked smile. "I remember that I was comforting you." He placed his mouth next to her ear. "And you cuddled up next to me."

Leia sprang to her feet at once. Han grinned in victory. "You're delusional!" she cried out.

"Hey, lying is cheating!"

"You thought I was cuddling up to you?" Leia found the bravery to approach him as she spouted her own accusation.

"Well, it wasn't one of those things that was really open to interpretation. You just did it. Now, it's not that I blame you because, of course, I don-"

"You're incorrigible!"

"Why, thank you."

"I can't believe you actually think I was trying to cuddle with you."

"I have a theory on that. I don't think you were trying to. I think it just- happened."

"Kind of like how you falling asleep in my bed just-" Leia threw her shoulders into a buoyant, sarcastic shrug. "Happened?"

"Oh, no, Princess This was real."

"You're kidding yourself."

"This is the South Passage all over again!"

"Then, stop following me and leave me alone!"

"No!" Han pointed at her, his finger almost meeting her nose. Her eyes widened. "I think you just don't know how to talk to me."

Han began to leer over her so they were standing toe-to-toe and Leia swallowed, losing the volume to her own voice. "And why would you say that?"

"I think you know."

"Then, pardon me because I have not the faintest idea what this is about."

"This is about the way you feel about me."

"I do remember you saying about the same thing on Hoth."

"So, you do remember that."

"I'm sorry but, Captain, I think your little theories are a bit misguided."

"I think they're straight as can be."

Leia could feel his breath. It was warm against her face. She blinked in surprise, lowering her gaze. "From your perspective. Maybe that's the problem; your perception."

"What if it's _your_ perception that's the problem?"

"I think you're delusional."  
"I'm sounding more lucid than you. Come on, Princess. Still not gonna' fess up?"

"I can't think of anything I need to 'fess up' to."

"Yeah, sure. You keep thinkin' that."  
"What's your goal, Solo?"

Han let a long silence grow. Their gazes were stuck to each other's, Leia's warm brown irises caught in Han's liquid hazel. Swiping her hair past her ear, Han said in a deep growl, "I just want to hear the truth from you." He tilted his head just a centimeter to the side, leaning forward ever so slightly.

Panicked, Leia shook her head. "I don't know what truth you're-"

"Mistress Leia! Captain Solo! Thank goodness I found you both alive!"

Leia, suddenly snapped from a reverie she hadn't known she'd been caught in, jumped. She spun to face the door to the room and saw the matching gold-plated droid that belonged to that high-pitched voice. "Threepio! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be staying the _Falcon."_

"Yes, of course, Mistress Leia. I understood that. However, Chewbacca and I both thought you and Captain Solo would want to be notified that another bug was found underneath the _Millennium Falcon's_ hull."

Han sighed heavily, dragging his hand through his hair, front to back.

"There is some good news with this, Captain! Its signal was connected to that of the first bug which Princess Leia found."

"So, it couldn't have tracked us, right, Threepio?"

"It would have been impossible, Princess."

Leia nodded. "Thank you, Threepio. That's good to know." She turned to Han for his response. All of a sudden, he looked so tired and weary. "Yeah," he said, "thanks, Goldenrod. Is that all?"

"Yes, Captain. That was all."

"Then, go back to the _Falcon._ Leia and I will talk about this."

"Of course, Captain Solo."

See-Threepio left them again.

Han sighed.

Leia rolled her lips between her teeth to hold back her own sigh. "What are you thinking?" she asked. He started to pace and Leia watched him, deciding if she should stop it.

"They're watching us."

"But they aren't. Threepio said it didn't work. We found the first earlier. If their signals were synchronized, it's fine."

"That's a big 'if' to be relying on," Han said, throwing out his hand. "Do you want to take that risk?"

"Well, do we have any other options? The _Falcon_ isn't ready to make another trip."

Han nodded, but Leia could sense his anxiety. It was palpable and it truly astonished Leia. She couldn't remember another time that Han had allowed his serious concern to show.

"Han, the bug didn't work."

He stopped to look at her. Leia found his hazel gaze to be very heavy. She felt the tension in his mood and it worried Leia to see him so stressed, but she maintained his gaze and tried to portray what assurance she could through her own. "Why are you so worried? Isn't that my role?"

Han didn't laugh. He turned back to face Leia with a slow turn. "Leia, we gotta' get out of here. This is too close of a call."

Leia narrowed her eyes, her suspicion rising. "Since when are you the sensible one? Han, the _Falcon_ isn't in any shape to take flight. For once, I think we need to just relax. The Imperials don't know we're here yet."

"And you're just out of nowhere in the mood to not worry about the Empire?"

Leia really didn't have a good reason for her side, but something about leaving Corellia didn't feel right to her. She didn't want to leave yet. She wasn't ready for this adventure to be over. Something about this trip felt unfulfilled. Sure, it was odd for her to be taking this side, but it was worse to watch Han act like _her._

Suddenly, he snapped. He took hold of her small shoulders and yelled, "We can't risk it, fierfek! Kriff, Leia, I'm not risking your life again!"

While Leia was startled by Han's inexplicable ferocity, she was more bothered by his words. Looking up at his red face with wide and alarmed eyes, Leia echoed him, "Again?"

Han seemed to come back to himself following Leia's gentle question; he swallowed, then his grip on Leia eased and she carefully slid out of his reach.

"Han. Han? What's the matter with you? What are you talking about? 'Again' what?"

"I-"

Leia thought his throat must be thick with something as he seemed to struggle with his words. But she patiently waited.

"I can't keep you in harm's way," he finished quietly.

Leia frowned. "Again?" But hardly a second later, it clicked for her and it made so much more sense. "This is about Ord Mantell."

Han dropped his head, rubbing at his forehead before he found the grit to respond. "Leia, I can't let you get hurt because of me. This has gone too far. Ord Mantell-"

"Ord Mantell changed your mind," she quoted him. "You were only going to leave because of what happened on Ord Mantell." She laughed shortly. "You seem to forget that I've got my own price in the Empire. You aren't the only reason people are after me."

"But these are my bounty hunters. And it was mine last time too. This is too much."

Leia heard Han and she was still listening to him, but she was too amazed by the truth as it unraveled inside Leia's mind and she worked to understand what it all meant. Only somewhat surprised, Leia said aloud, "You care about me."

For a moment, Han didn't say anything. He watched the smile of wonder grow on her face. He nodded once. "Yeah. I do, Princess."

"Do you love me?"

Han's jaw fell and his eyebrows knitted together.

Leia blinked, furiously shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" She broke off with sigh as Han hastily walked past her to grab his shoes. He put them on and opened the door. "It's getting late," he said, though it was only six in the night. "I'm going to stay with Chewie on the _Falcon_ tonight. To help keep watch."

Leia nodded, mute and let him leave.

Though she'd already known that he wouldn't be returning that night, Leia found herself feeling sad and lonely since Han was not with her in the hotel. She felt scared in the dark, so she turned on the lamp on the nightstand. But that made her feel anxious and restless, so she tossed and turned in bed and cried until she fell asleep.

* * *

_The Rodian held Leia back with one arm tightly bound about waist. His other hand pressed the tip of his vibroblade to her throat. Her hands were cuffed between her legs- she couldn't break free._

_[Ahhh, Solo,] the bounty hunter laughed in his native tongue. The language was far beyond Leia's understanding, so she couldn't decipher Han's half of the situation. Besides that, Leia could hardly focus on anything more than the sharp blade pressed against her skin and a raging migraine from the concussion the Rodian had given her. [So the princess matters to you, huh? I don't suppose you're taking her money to pay back Jabba?]_

" _Listen, Reemo. You leave her out of this. My dealings with Jabba have nothing to do with her."_

 _[Don't you think I know that? This skimpy little one doesn't look like much, but I'm willing to bet that she means something to you.] Reemo pressed the blade closer against Leia's neck and she gasped. Her ribs burned with the effort and her mouth filled with the taste of sharp iron as Leia's bottom lip continued to bleed from the knockout punch Reemo had delivered to her jaw. Her vision was unfocused, but she sought out Han and found him watching her with his own fear clearly displayed on his face._ Blast it, Han! _she wanted to yell at him._ What are you doing? Get out of here! Leave me already!

_[Still feel like a Rebellion hero, Solo? You better cough up your payment or else the little pretty princess dies. Then, I'll bring you back to Tatooine for Lord Jabba to deal with.]_

" _I'm warning you, Reemo! Let her go or you'll be paying instead of me."_

_[I don't think so, Han.]_

_Then, Leia's world spun and she felt the relief of no longer having to hold her weight up. Like a dead weight, her body hit the grassy plain ground and Han hurried to her side, pulling her into his arms. "Hey, sweetheart. I'm sorry, but I can't let you close your eyes. I can't let you fall asleep. Not with that concussion. So, look at me, Princess. Stay with me, please. . . . Sweetheart, I can't lose you now. I can't lose you now."_

_Leia forced her eyes to remain open. She found Han leaning over her and she used his face as an anchor, as something to stare at._ _His hazel gaze was wide and fearful. His eyes darted across her body with worry. When he caught her gaze again, he repeated, "Stay awake, Princess. Don't fall asleep on me. Please." He picked her up and stood with her in his arms. His hold around her was sure and protective. Leia let her head rest against his chest, soaking in the warm feelings she felt radiating off of Han._

 _He quickly brought her back to their transport where the rest of their crew were waiting. He handed her off to the assigned medic and stayed close by while he tended to Leia's wounds. He didn't go unnoticed by Leia while he watched her more than the medic who was working on her. As the seconds passed, she thought that Han's gaze seemed to turn harder and colder. Leia wanted to ask him what it was but opted on not speaking to him anymore for the entire rest of the trip back home. He ignored her, stormed about the_ Falcon, _yelling at everyone for everything, placing blame wherever he could. Leia wasn't sure what to make of his sudden change in behavior. So, Leia stepped back from the slight closeness they'd recently developed. She distanced herself back to the verbal sparring partner Han seemed to want more. She fought back, tooth and nail, called him out, and returned his iciness in full force. If this was how he'd rather things be, Leia could manage that just fine. She had no complaints._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the short (and very later) chapter. Writing this one did not come easy to me. Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope you still enjoy.

 Leia had gotten a better night of sleep when Han had forgotten to leave her bed. Not that she’d ever admit that to him. She woke up early, just as the sun was starting to come through the room’s viewport. The moment Leia was thinking clearly, disentangled from the confusing throes of slumber, her mind was back on Han and their “discussion” from the day before. The week thus far had been a blur of jumbled feelings. Like an impossible knot, Leia couldn’t sort out every emotion she was feeling and what each one individually meant. It was all Skyriiwook to her; she understood not a thing. Until last night’s big reveals.

 Han’s frantic concern had slammed down on Leia like an unexpected slap to the face. Except it was a good surprise. Whenever she thought back to the previous day’s words, she first felt alarmed, maybe a bit afraid, but she couldn’t ignore the odd jubilation sweeping over her in response to this new revelation. Leia felt it safe enough to decipher Han’s responses as positive to her own accusations.

 He cared about her.

 That simple, plain statement reverberated in Leia’s mind, echoing like the pleasant song of a Felucian bird. Its trilling tune was stuck in her head, but Leia didn’t mind its eternal presence there. It warmed her to her core- her core which she protected with thick, defensive walls, blocking off, preventing access. But Han had managed to slip past her defenses. Now, however, he seemed to be retreating. The problem with that was simple: Leia didn't want him to.

 She hated this game they played. She hated the endless cycle, of going through the same routine performance. Scruffy-looking nerf herder, ignorant self-obsessed nexu trainer. Over and over again, it was the same thing. One leap forward, five steps back.  _ Do you care about me? Do you love me?  _ And then he was gone, this time retreating from her. Usually, it went the other way. This small variation in things was not enough to please Leia. They always got so close, one of them reaching out, their fingertips brushing against something spectacularly new and amazing in the scariest yet most delightful way. Their touch would graze the surface, sending ripples across the pool, showing insight to what they were about to grasp.   
 Then, just like that, it vanished from sight, throwing both of them back, so far away from each other. Leia felt as though, since the last few cycles, she'd been thrown too hard and now she was suffering from the whiplash. Finally, she was trying to put an end to the game, but Han was still shaking the table no matter how loud she yelled out. It frustrated her to tears. She wanted to ask why he always did this to her, but he didn’t always do this. It was usually her. Now, however, Leia understood what it felt like to be standing on the other side when the iron curtain came down. It hurt like she hadn’t been expecting.   
 She had never thought that Han could hurt her like this. It made her confront her vulnerabilities and Leia Organa did not like being vulnerable let alone admitting that she was vulnerable and seeing those holes in herself. She was supposed to be strong, impassive, untouchable; but Han had found ways to touch her, finding her gaping holes and reaching in. It terrified her when he did this, leaving her so exposed like she’d never covered herself in the first place. But she always did and he always got through anyway.   
 While this way of his had always dismayed her, Leia now found herself wondering . . . how bad was it, really?

 She supposed it wasn’t so awful being around him. She could tolerate running missions with him for the Alliance. She’d even gotten used to being stuck on the  _ Falcon _ for extended periods of time, as long as a few weeks. Leia could handle his presence when he didn’t mean any harm, those rare occasions when he was  _ just there. _ It wasn’t so awful even when he was comforting her- okay, so the occasion had come up once or twice. Leia began to realize that she was dancing on a very fine line. She’d been exploring her way around, looking for the line. Now, she’d found the line and the question came into being if Leia wanted to see what lay on the other side.

 This side- wasn’t so bad. Throughout their time on Corellia so far, Han really had been nothing but generous, showing his care and concern which was seemingly a big stretch for him. And what had Leia done?  _ She’d  _ denied _ him. _ And now he had her questioning it.

_  How dare you do this to me, Solo! _ She cursed him, throwing an arm across her bed and smacking the mattress. The room was silent. There were no grizzly snores occupying her sleepy attention as they floated up from the floor. Leia didn’t like silence. She recalled her room on Alderaan, _ home. _ For as long as she could remember, she’d never been able to sleep with silence. She’d always had this big, purple fan sitting on the nightstand, blowing noisy air across the room. Winter had hated it and begged Breha for her own room which she had been granted. That had been an adjustment; Leia hadn’t liked sleeping by herself either, but she’d grown up and gotten over it. She was an adult and she could handle a night by herself. But kriffing Han Solo was getting to her, setting off her nerves, sending weird messages to her brain, and had her questioning too much to reprocess. Her brain seemed to be warning her,  _ overload . . . overload . . . overload. _ Leia silently yelled back,  _ I can’t help it! _

 Great. This was just what she needed- a head full of Han Solo. Like that annoying song that made everyone turn off their holo frequencies when it played. Except, Leia’s dial seemed to be broken, so it was still stuck on this insufferable song.  _ Sorry, Princess. Your Worship, Worshipfulness, Highnessness, sweetheart. _

_ How dare you, Han Solo. How dare you render me defenseless. How dare you find your way in. How dare you make me feel bad. _

 Still, her unanswered question remained near the forefront of her mind. Her and Han’s relationship had always been their own special kind of complicated, but it hadn’t occurred to Leia that Han’s feelings went a little beyond what she’d ever thought. She had now established that Han did in fact care about her; really, Leia had already known that, thought maybe not to what degree. But now there was a new question to ponder and interpret: did Han  _ love _ her? Part of her regretted that she’d asked. Did she really want to know? Did she really care? Yes, she did. Much more than she wanted to.

* * *

 

 The last thing Han had wanted to do was let Chewie get wind of anything that had been exchanged between him and Leia in the past week. Therefore, the wookiee was not to hear a thing about today’s “exchange” which meant that Han couldn’t wake him up. Which meant that, just to play things on the safer side, Han didn’t go  _ in _ to the  _ Falcon. _ He rested outside, close by the hull. The cold night air nipped at his skin, but he tried to ignore it. But the little insects of the night were out, chirping, whistling, taking full advantage of night’s calm silence. Han hated insects, big or small, and he especially hated them when they interrupted his sleep.

 Grumbling about the cold and the noise, Han tried lying down on the hard paved ground. Of course, he knew that all these little things didn’t bother him that much. While they all truly irritated him, they were more of distractions for the moment. The one thing that was really bothering Han Solo was Leia Organa.

 She was completely reckless, stubborn. First, her idiotic recklessness had nearly killed her on Hoth, forcing Han to have to come after her and save her skin before she tried dying a martyr in an ice cave that no one would ever want to dig through just to her find her body. So, he’d been taken her with him to escape the ice ball and now they were stuck together. Or, really, Leia had nowhere else to go. Now, she had to pick a fight about everything. Why couldn’t she just let the subject drop?  _ What did you say, Han? Why did you say that? What do you mean? _ She just had to pick and pick and demand and fight about  _ everything! _

 He threw back his head to take a long swig of his ale, then dragged his hand down his face with a longer sigh. He hadn’t wanted to leave Corellia- it was too nice being back, but it was reckless to stay. Even if the bugs hadn’t picked up their trail, why wasn’t Leia all for staying on the safe side? He didn’t want to stay here if there was a chance that he’d put her in harm’s way. What was her deal?

 And then she’d had to press.

 Did Han care about her? Well, even he couldn’t deny that much anymore. Maybe that had been the driving force that had made him stay on Hoth that long. Maybe that was what had kept Han from leave the Alliance. He tried to tell himself that it was only because she was so reckless, he really didn’t want to see her get hurt and- with the path she was running- she should already be dead. Han didn’t think that he needed to protect her because he understood very well that Leia could hold her own. Sometimes, he just thought that she needed rescuing from herself.

 On cue, the quiet rustle of light footsteps broke through his thoughts. He looked up to see her coming. She was dressed in her pajamas, a light robe pulled tight around her. She hugged her waist with cold, her jaw chattering. She had the courage to hold his gaze as she approached; it bore no iciness, but was soft and gentle. “Mind if I join you?” she asked.

 “What do you want?”

 She frowned, appearing to be hurt by Han’s first words to her. “I think we need to talk.”

 Han threw out an arm to indicate the hotel. “We just were talking. Whaddya’ want to talk about now? Huh? Why don’t we talk about  _ you?” _

 “I’m sorry, Han.”

 He laughed shortly, his tone devoid of all humor. “Yeah, I bet you are.”

 “I really am.”

 Han stumbled to his feet, glowering at her as he pushed past. “Well, I think it’s a little too late for that, sweetheart.”

 “Look, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I can’t apologize for anything more than that because-“

 “Because what? Because you yelled at me until I started spilling out my deepest, darkest, sweetest secrets? Sorry if I got upset, but no one sent me the invitation to the sleepover before arriving.”

 Leia forced back the sigh she was about to utter. Crossing her arms over her chest, she shot back, “You think I want to be stuck here with you?” She shook her head. “You know, you make it so difficult sometimes.”

 “Well, I’m so sorry I’m not the smooth-around-the-edges, devoted general you’re looking for.”

 “And I’m so sorry that  _ I forced _ you to stay around. Next time, I’d suggest you listen to your own twisted conscience and run away while you still can. Be careful! I might force you to stay.”

 “Hmph! I’m gonna’ leave and you’re going to miss me when I’m gone. But I’ll be far,  _ far _ -”

 “If you were actually going to leave, we wouldn’t be here.”

 “Well, ain’t that just too bad? I’m sure you would much prefer to  _ be dead on that kriffing ball of ice. _ ”

 Leia was about to object with ‘no one asked you to stay’, but quickly remembered that that was very inaccurate and she herself had asked him to stay. In fact, she’d begged him to stay. And Han had come back for her.

_ Do you care about me? _

_  Yeah. I do, Princess. _

 Leia’s stomach was tying itself into knots and she was starting to feel sick, so sick. She was so tired of this. The endless cycle, the same banter, and for all the same reasons- something neither of them could fully grasp. Leia could feel her fingertips grazing the surface once again, the cycle reaching its height before its dramatic fall. She was so sick of the cycle. “Tell me when you and Chewie get repairs done,” she spat at him, her voice icier than Han had ever heard it. “Then, you can finally leave just like you want.”


	9. Chapter 9

_ Do you care about me? _

_ Yeah. I do, Princess. _

_ Do you love me? _

Leia woke up from a long night to eerie silence. Oh, how she despised the silence. Silence stood for all the evil and wrong possibilities of the world. The good ones only came from the galaxy’s happy cheers. Or, so her father had always told her. Leia turned in her bed to look out the viewport. It wasn’t bright and sunny, but dark as though it still were night. Storms clouds were gathered in large masses, creeping their way across the sky, dropping gifts of heavy rain. Leia held the curtains aside, studying the dreary procession for a moment.

She wished she could open the viewport, but the edges were sealed shut, even locking out all sound. She flicked on the holoscreen for noise, turning to the local news. She kept it on while she took her breakfast meal in the room, curling up on the bed with a bowl of plain yogurt and oat grains.

She knew she should use the sanisteam, but Leia’s list of priorities was seemingly nonexistent and she cared not if her hair was still greasy or if she was even dressed out of her nightwear. She had no plans for the day and- as far as she was aware- she was still stuck on Corellia with the galaxy’s biggest nerfherder. Bantha farmer would have been even better, she now thought to herself.

She found the local news (which was imbued with subtle hints of the Empire’s aggression) to be too depressing when she wasn’t with the Rebellion to do a thing about it, so Leia changed the feed to the one Corellian soap opera she’d ever heard of. It had been running for years, decades, the cast trading a few actors out every several seasons. It wasn’t considered the greatest entertainment in the Core, but it was known around the Rebel Alliance to contain the least- if any- Imperial propaganda and it wasn’t rare for the Rogues to be caught on stolen datapads watching the latest episodes.  _ Min Siga Vel Ausro, _ it was called, a Corellian phrase that Leia didn’t know the Basic translation to. She curled up in the bed with her bowl in her lap and her gaze set on the holoscreen, a blanket draped over her legs and up to her stomach. The room’s lights were still flicked off from Leia’s futile effort at sleeping the night before, so the holoscreen flashed brightly at her face. She watched the show, but wasn’t really listening or paying actual attention. Her thoughts and focus remained on the past couple days and the giant glacier between her and Han.

Before the bed, Han’s blankets still lay in a disarrayed mess, a reminder of the great distance that stood between her and Han. She was  _ so _ sick of the cycle. She was so sick of letting her guard down just the tiniest bit as if she thought things would go differently and they would never get thrown back. But they were always thrown back and she was so tired of it. There had to be some way to break the pattern. The rounds had to stop somehow at some point. Leia could only handle so much bickering with Han. And it was no longer enjoyable when it was serious which- at this point- it most certainly was. Leia couldn’t remember a time that she and Han’s fighting had gotten as out of control. It rarely became this serious in the first place. It left Leia with a cold and hollow feeling filling her up. And being filled with icy hollowness is an unpleasant feeling; like being alone in the world, or coming to realize that no place in the galaxy will ever be home.

It swallowed Leia, gradually, taking its time, being sure to make her suffer with the agonizing process of losing hope for life. And Leia was forced to admit to herself that it was Han Solo who was doing this to her. Nobody could break Leia apart and crush her spirit like him. Oh, Han could hurt her. With only his cold, cruel gaze, he could twist her insides. With his stern pointing at her like she was a child, he could break her bones, shatter her. And with his words, Han could destroy her. He held the power to tear her to shreds, blur her thoughts, expose everything there was to her and trip her up. He could steal her breath, leave her speechless.

The worst of all, however, was that Han could break her heart like nothing else.

There was a possibility that she cared about him too.

_ I do care, _ she finally admitted to herself in full.  _ I must because I have to care for it to hurt. And nothing has hurt me quite like this. _

Han knew exactly who she was, what she was. She was as vulnerable as anyone and Han knew how. He knew what made her weak and what made her crumble. He knew that, underneath all her veneers, she was just a person, just another soldier. She was tormented and plagued by the horrors of war, scarred, and just a little bit broken. Han  _ knew _ that she was no better than him. And, for that, Leia wanted to kiss him.

 Everyone saw her as the princess, but then there was Han who, on default, always saw the weary soldier in her. He saw the  _ person _ in her and Leia was beyond grateful for it. The only thing that could make their odd relationship with each other any better was if they could find some way to put a stop to The Cycle- that ominous cloud of things hanging over them.

_ If he cares . . . and I care . . . then why is this happening? _

 In that moment, Leia realized that this was all she wanted. Her greatest mission in life now was to bring an end to The Cycle. So, she needed a plan. Before she realized what she was doing, her mind was already at work, ideas speeding across her mind, half of them getting thrown out some imaginary garbage. Her fingers danced on the nightstand (she loved the solid sound it made against the wood as the movement ran across her hand, making each fingernail tap rhythmically). Her knee was bouncing, and when she jumped out of bed, her blankets joining Han’s on the floor, she stood for a moment and her feet kept up the trilling rhythm. In her mind, she began to formulate a plan, strategies, a whole speech.

 She was already out of the hotel room and rushing down the staircase less than a minute later and she had a full monologue running through her head. She had even taken the liberty of predicting Han’s usual ridiculous facial expressions and how she would quickly jump back in

with a rebuttal to his every look. This would be the end, she rejoiced. Shaking her head at that, she corrected herself- at least, the start of the end. She knew better than to think that- with Han Solo being half of the equation- this would be a one-time conversation and it was all over with. But she would confess to her faults, strike a deal, and things would be well on their way to an easy partnership. And The Cycle would be far past them. Leia smiled delightfully at that wonderful thought.

 She started taking the steps by two and nearly tripped over the last set and falling on her face. With fine agility she caught herself and slowed down until she was clear of the lobby and through the double door entry. It was with a swing to her arms and a kick in her step that she bee lined for the docking bay where the  _ Falcon _ was resting. Upon arrival, her nose was greeted with the smell of oil, wookiee, and . . . something  _ burning. _ “Han!” she called across the bay as she tentatively entered. The only response she got was the blaring noise of some mechanical tool against metal. She saw the outline of sparks around the edge of the  _ Falcon _ ’s hull, above the cockpit. A ladder was slanted against the old freighter and Leia could make out the shape of a toolbox resting on one of its rungs. Seemingly from nowhere, a hydrospanner went flying and  _ klunked _ against the tool set, sending it crashing over the side toward the ship. A wookiee’s fierce growl followed, then Han’s familiar yelling back. Typical Han and Chewie. And typical of Han to hide away, working on the  _ Falcon _ when he was upset.

 Leia drew in a quick breath before stepping into the cold shadows and approaching the ship. She opened her mouth to call out again, but either human or wookiee chose that moment to light the plasmatorch, rendering Leia’s voice pointless. She sighed shortly, then went straight for the ladder and started clambering up. When she reached the top few rungs, she could then see that Han was the one holding the torch, a heavy and dark-shaded pair of protective goggles pulled over his eyes. Chewie wasn’t far away, strewn with a mess of cables in his lap, half of his fur singed at the ends. He growled a pleasant welcoming when he sniffed Leia and smiled fleetingly at the wookiee. Though she didn’t understand Shyriiwook the meaning was clear by the wookiee’s tone. [I’m glad you’re here, Little Princess. I found Han late last night. He was sleeping outside. As soon as daylight came this morning, he’s had me helping out with repairs. And he hasn’t said a word that doesn’t have to do with repairs. Maybe you know what’s up?]

 Leia merely shook away his questions, pulling herself up over the edge of the  _ Falcon _ ’s top side and sought out Han. He was bent over some open hatch, different wires and cables curling about. Han touched a blue, smoking one, then yowled and swore again. “Maybe you should put your gloves on first,” Leia quipped, smiling gently as she nodded towards the pair of rubber gloves lying in the toolkit beside him. Han looked to her, then took off his goggles. He didn’t acknowledge her any more than that before he got to his feet and brushed past her. Leia rolled her lips between her teeth. “Han, I don’t want to do that right now.”

 There was the soft slap of a towel against the  _ Falcon _ before Han responded. “Well, what would you like to do right now, Your Highnessness? What have we not discussed-?”

 “Han!” She spun to face him. “I can’t take this anymore. I just can’t.”

 “Well, that’s too bad.”

 “We’re stuck here and we just have to deal with that.”

 “Already said that yesterday.”

 “So, do you have anything more to say?”

 “Hardly. What about you? Ready to finally admit the truth?”

 “The- the truth?”

 Han smirked, passing her again. Again, Leia spun to watch him. She shook her head. “Han, I can’t handle another day like this. One more day and I actually might kill you.”

 Leia could practically sense the smile he wore while he was turned away from her, bending back over his pile of wires. “I didn’t know you so desired the honors. I’ve been holding in my own urges.” He moved to where the ladder was standing up and he slid down with ease. Leia, with less grace, descended as quickly as her little legs could to keep up. Once her feet touched the gray, cleanly-paved ground, she ran to follow Han. “Yeah, well, I’m trying really hard right now and I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself if I saw a blaster right now.”

  Han continued to wander, taking long strides toward the boarding ramp, then into the  _ Falcon _ ’s deep internal intestines. Short hallways led to different compartment spaces and maintenance areas. Leia ended up following him all the way to the maintenance bay.

 “So, what’re you gonna’ do about it?”

 She dropped her shoulders, relaxing somewhat. Somehow, Han had helped ease into the inevitable conversation perfectly for Leia. It relieved her just slightly.

“Actually, that’s why I came here. I don’t want to be mad at you all the time. It’s dizzying. . . .” She watched him work. He continued, but he must have been trying to listen, Leia thought, because he had been avoiding using the torch- which Leia could tell at least three areas of Han’s general workspace needed- and he was focusing more on the things he could fix with his hands, quiet, minimal focus work. Hopeful, she continued,  “and bickering isn’t half the fun when it’s all we do.”

 “No, it isn’t.”

 “It’s this cycle, Han. It’s this nonstop, eternal cycle of us bickering and yelling at each other and you keep saying that you’re going to leave, so I get mad, but then you don’t and you always come back or you just  _ don’t _ go, but we’re still fighting. I used to be okay with it, Han. I mean, it’s what we did, but- it’s come to a point that I can’t handle anymore. Something is wrong between us and I can’t just leave it be anymore.”

 Han had now stood back up and he was looking at her. Leia saw it in his gaze, how he truly looked at her. He  _ looked at her, _ recognized her presence, acknowledged her, listened to her, took it all in. He was there with her, in the moment, in the conversation and it was because of all of that that Leia knew they were on the same page, that Han agreed. Just maybe.

 She took another deep breath, not congratulating herself too soon. “It happens over and over and over again and I don’t think it’s funny anymore. I need it to stop, Han. I don’t know what it will take, but I can’t let this go on any longer. I just can’t keep doing this. It’s tiresome and irritating- and I  _ know _ that you do that to me on purpose more often than not, but that’s not how this week has been and you know that as well as I do. This week hasn’t been fun. This has been unusually serious for the two of us and I don’t ever want to do this again.”

 His grin returned. Leia saw the outline of it from where she stood at his side. “Serious?”

 Her exasperation returned, but she quickly stifled it back down. Only patience would get her anywhere with Han Solo. “Interpret that however your tiny, egotistical, scoundrel-of-a-heart desires, but I’m serious about this, Han. Even if you aren’t, I mean what I’m saying. If you have no desire to change your attitude, then I can easily make a suggestion to the rest of High Command that the Alliance cut their informal ties with you.”

 Han shrugged, but he turned to face her, grabbing a rag from a close by bench. “What does that mean?” His hazel gaze seemed hard, like Leia’s warning actually threatened him.

 “It means that I wouldn’t have to put up with your games anymore.”

 “Oh, like you could bear to let me out of your sights.” Han’s stance turned casual and he crossed his legs at the ankle where he stood, a sly and record-setting lopsided smile gracing his scoundrel features. “I couldn’t make it off of Hoth without you yelling in my ear. You were  _ begging _ me to stay. Don’t tell me it was that easy for you to change your mind.”

 “Maybe this will finally make my feelings clear, Captain.”

 “Your feelings?” Han jabbed a thumb at his own chest. His stupid grin only grew wider. “For me?”

 Leia nodded.

 He beamed proudly and Leia flushed. “Oh, you- you scoundrel!”

 “Scoundrel? Scoundrel? I like the sound of that.”

 She shook her head, half turning away. Guarding herself, she crossed her arms over her chest and automatically raised her defenses high and strong. “Whatever delusions are flitting through your mind right now you can forget about. For the past three years, I have been forced into missions with you and if you wish for your luck to continue any longer, then I insist that you help me out here so we can figure this out.”

 “Our relationship.”

 “Fine. Our relationship.” She sighed shortly. “Han, I’m really serious. I don’t mind running these missions with you. I don’t mind spending the time with you. I just can’t keep it up any longer if this is the way it’s always going to be.”

 “Alright.” Han finished cleaning off his hands for a suspiciously long time and carelessly tossed the oily rag aside. “Then what do you suggest we do?”

 Leia shrugged, her gaze wandering away for a brief moment. “I don’t know. That’s what we need to figure out.”

 Han nodded, his gaze slipping away too, considering.

 “The bickering isn’t always so awful,” Leia unwillingly smiled. “I just don’t like the part where it becomes this cycle. I don’t like the cycle. I don’t like it when we can be really close, but then one word can destroy all of that. I don’t like that part,” she told him in a faint murmur. “I don’t like starting all over. . . . There’s- this door. And I’m standing on one side while you’re on the other. We’re both reaching to open it, but as soon as one of us touches the door’s access pad . . . we both get blown back and we have to start all over.” Suddenly timid, she forced her gaze to find Han’s face. He wasn’t looking at far, but at some small spot on the floor, boring deeper. She asked him, “Does that make sense?”

 He only nodded, making no other movement to show that he’d heard her or was even paying attention. Her hope once again draining away, Leia continued. “I- care about you.” She swallowed. “And I don’t know what we need to do, but I can’t think of anything I’m not willing to do.”

 Almost before she was done speaking, Han’s mouth was on hers. It took her a belated second to realize it, but there he was. The nanoseconds both sped by and slowed down as Leia tried to think, tried to respond- her heart suddenly pounding violently in her chest. The subtle sounds of the maintenance bay were lost to her and her head almost became heavy as alarms shot off up and down her body and filled all her awareness with white sirens. She gasped against his mouth and then it all slipped into place. Her lips found their place against Han’s, dancing with his, moving without her really thinking. As aware of Han’s mouth hot against hers, Leia was aware of it the moment his hands found their place supporting her hips. Leia was grateful for it; otherwise- surely- she would have collapsed. He supported her, anchored her, muted the white noise so it was a good kind of delirious. His hands  _ held _ her; he pulled her closer, somehow conveying as much meaning in his touch as his lips were. All of it felt so right, like the perfect end to the past.

 One of Han’s hands suddenly jumped from Leia’s hip to her face. He cupped her cheek in his rough, calloused hand and Leia didn’t mind a bit. She found an odd comfort from his hold on her- it settled her with a peace she’d never known existed. She wondered how she’d gone so long without this.  _ This _ was the most beautiful thing Leia had ever felt.

 And just like that, it ended without warning. Han broke their tingling and vibrant connection and Leia only then noticed her need for oxygen. Her mouth was left open, wishing he’d come back as he slowly pushed back. But he still held onto her. His hands framed her face, holding it up for his viewing pleasure. Locking gazes with him, she gave the lightest gasp. He wasn’t looking at her for the ‘okay’ or even forgiveness, but simply to wait for her reaction. Panting lightly, she gave a short nod. Losing all the volume to her voice, she answered him in a whisper, “Okay, hotshot.” She surprised herself as she reached up for his head to pull him back in. It happened almost as fast the second time, but the caught his gleeful grin before Han consented and drew her back into his embrace. He lifted her, joining his hands so she could sit there while he raised her, held her up against the maintenance board so their faces were level with each other.

 But it ended again. This time, by the metallic squeal of a golden protocol droid. “Sir! Sir! I’ve isolated the reverse power flux coupling!”

 Leia yelped in surprise as Han suddenly dropped her back on her feet. Han turned away from to begin shouting at Threepio, and Leia was left back to herself. Subconsciously, she raised a hand to hover her fingertips over her tingling lips. Her gaze flicked to her exit, a small space behind Han where she could easily slip through. And she did. Leia found it difficult to think straight, her thoughts a tangled knot, but there was one thing Leia was already sure of: Han had shattered The Cycle.


	10. Chapter 10

_ It was only morning. That meant that Leia didn’t even have the escape of night as an excuse to gather her thoughts. She was given mere minutes alone in the hotel room before Han found her. She made the most of it; hiding out on the room’s patio, watching the sun rise from the north side of Corellia to the south. Waves of orange and blue painted the sky, defining the horizon with the top half of the Corellian sun. The rest of the sky, where blue took over orange, was rippled with fine streaks of yellow and orange rays. So this was what had been waiting on the other side of the door. _ _   
_ _  The one thing Leia was sure of was that Han had ended the cycle. She had no doubts that their usual routine had run its course and come to its final end. It relieved her; she felt the change within her, the old doubts being replaced by new anxiety. But they’d figured something out. Or, Han had shown her something. He’d taken the step to open the door and Leia let the breeze on the other side blow over her. Fresh air filled her lungs, chasing out all the darkness that had been filling the empty spaces within her. She found it so much easier to breathe now, so much easier to be. Something within her had been freed. Han had freed her. _ _   
_ _  Their first kiss still lingered on her lips, and the second one too. The tingling sensation was leaving her, but the vivid memory was sure to remain. _ _   
_ _  Leia thought she was out here to regain something of her sanity, but she didn’t know how to calm her racing mind and heart. It was odd because, this time, nothing was wrong with the erratic thumping in her chest. She welcomed it. _ _   
_ _  “Leia?” It was Han whose voice stirred her from her reverie and Leia snapped back to attention in time to hear the door shut behind him. Her breath hitched. “Leia! Sweetheart, where are you? I was thinking now might be a good time to talk.” _ _   
_ __  Leia was well used to all of Han’s pet names, but it sounded so different when he called her 'sweetheart’ now. It was as though she was just seeing everything that lay behind the simple names when he used them. And all the possibility for the future. Everything Han had been imagining and now Leia was too.

_  “Leia?” _

_  A future she'd never let herself consider before. _

_  “You alright, sweetheart?” _

_  Startled, Leia looked up. Han had found her hiding spot and now he stood there, towering over her. “I didn't mean to scare you back there.” _

_  “No. No, that's really unnecessary-” _

_  “So did it work?” _

_  Leia opened her mouth to respond but paused. “Is that the only reason you did it?” _

_  Han’s mouth fell open, his face expressing his genuine hurt. “What do you think?” _

_  Leia grimaced. She held a hand to her forehead, pantomiming a headache. Her nose crinkled for a second before she first responded with an apology. “I'm sorry, Han. I- I'm having a hard time trying to think straight right now. I- I don't know.” _

_  If this worried or troubled Han, he didn't show it. He appeared patient, taking a step back and hooking his thumbs in his utility belt so nonchalantly. It was the most reassuring thing Han had ever done for her. Leia could have smiled as she drew in her next breath. _

_  When Leia's silence continued longer than Han had been anticipating, he cautiously stepped forward again and said, “Leia, I'm sorry if that was too much or if it was too fast. I just thought it felt right-” _

_  “No, Han, don't apologize. I- thank you.” _

_  “Huh?” _

_  “Thank you, Han. I'm not upset with you at all. In fact, I'm really relieved.” _

_  “So, it worked?” _

_  Leia opened her mouth to speak but the words were slower to come. “Ah- I think so.” _

_  “Good. I was getting real sick and tired of the usual routine too.” _

_  Leia was still searching for the words to properly confront the situation but all her social skills had left her and now she was mumbling like an idiot right in front of Han Solo. She wanted to ask why. Why had he kissed her, but she already knew. I know. “I know.” _

_  It wasn't until she caught his studying gaze on her that Leia realized she'd spoken her thoughts aloud. He frowned slightly, and asked, “You know what?” _

__ Do you care about me?

 Yeah. I do, Princess.

 Do you love me?

_  “You do. You love me. You actually love me, don't you?” _

_  Han smiled, almost bittersweetly or painfully. But there was some raw emotion behind that smile that choked Leia just by the sight. “See, I thought I just cared,” he told her, his voice low and thick. “But I have never cared about something so much before.” _

_  Against her own will, Leia gasped quietly, quickly. _

_  “Never so deeply, so blindly, so wholeheartedly. Leia, you do things to me that absolutely terrify me. You make me think things that I've never considered.” _

_  Though she stood still, her body planted where she sat, Leia lost her breath and was panting for it back. “What does that mean?” _

_  He sat down with her. His hand wandered over her bare knee, up her thigh. He found her hip; a small area of baby soft flesh was exposed to his sight and Han dared to stroke his thumb along the patch. Under his touch, Leia shivered. “Sweetheart, I do care about you and- Kriff, Leia!” He laughed. “I'm falling in love with you.” _

_  “Han. I know.” _

* * *

Leia woke up to the excited morning chatter of civil Corellian cooju birds. She could hear one near as it called for its family, it's mouth surely full with ground crawlers. Its jabbering continued even as the flap of wings against the building announced the rest of the family’s arrival.

 Leia stretched her arms out, kicking aside her blankets and dragging herself out of bed. She hadn't slept much- seemingly the pattern of the week. She'd been too excited this time, a positive uplift from the week’s growing gloom. Her mind had still been racing as it tried to comprehend the last day. The only place where her and Han’s kisses still lingered was her memory and Leia knew it would never leave. Not that she particularly minded.

 She knew that she and Han needed to talk about it, sort out whatever was happening before it became another mess. It had nearly been a full day since since Han had ended their three year-long cycle by kissing Leia to oblivion and they still hadn’t spoken to each other since. Since she’d made her smooth escape from the  _ Falcon  _ the day before, the two hadn’t spoken let alone seen each other since. Leia hadn’t slept much when she’d lied down for bed. First, she’s feared Han returning to their room to sleep that night, but when he hadn’t come, Leia’s mind kept her awake with nervousness and a frightened excitement. What sleep she had managed had been occupied by . . .  _ odd _ fantasies and possible outcomes of her and Han’s inevitable next conversation. Some of these scenarios had been hopelessly awkward while others went smoothly with minimal awkward bumps. Others proceeded very quickly in a direction that Leia didn’t think she needed to worry about. However it went, Leia doubted their encounter would go half as smoothly as some of her dreamt-out scenarios. She was hoping for something in between the hopelessly awkward and surprisingly smooth.

 That stunning moment replayed in her mind once again, but- this time- it calmed Leia just enough that she could finally begin to untangle her thoughts. Her heart finally slowed to an even beat. Leia opened her mouth and took in the biggest breath she could, filling her lungs with fresh air. She reached up to scratch at her hairline until the edge of her wig started to peel and she tore it off along with its cap. Her thick tresses tumbled free, curling at the ends near her waist. She brushed it all past one shoulder, leaning back against the wall to rest.

 The morning air was pleasantly warm, even at such an hour. Leia could predict the heat to that would be creeping up on Corellia this day. The sun's light pressed warmly against her face even as the lightest feather breeze began to sweep through. It was all very nice.

 Han’s nervous sigh broke through her reflection before she became aware of his slow footsteps. She twisted her body at the waist to look at him. He smiled at her, looking pleased. But differently- not in the usual, cocky, Han Solo way. “Hey,” he greeted.

 His smile was warm and comforting, contagiously spreading the pleasantness Leia saw there. “Hi,” she managed back.

 Han glanced to lay aside a spot she found herself praying he would take he been to sit with her saying I was hoping you hadn't run too far.”

_ In other words you were looking for me.  _  “I'm here.”

 His smile broke into a grin you ran off he began without hesitation.

_ Kriff, here it comes. _ “I'm sorry; I couldn't think.”

 Han’s smile turned so gentle, so easy and reassuring. Oddly enough, Leia found great comfort from the rebellious quirk to his upper lip. “You alright?”

 She gaped at him, her eyes first narrowing in confusion before she understood. “I think it worked.”

 “In what kind of way?” he asked quietly. Leia thought she heard a hint of fear in his tone.

 He was leaving it up to her, Leia realized. She would get to decide how things went, whether awkward or smooth. The next move was hers.

 “I was scared,” she told him. “I don't know why, but I was too terrified to try and do something about us. To be honest, Han, I still am.”

 “Of what?”

 Wordlessly, she shrugged. “It's not so bad now that I know how I feel, but you still scare me. I don't know what this new stage is yet, but I'm already scared of losing it and I'm scared of losing you.”

 “For Sith’s sake, sweetheart! Why on Coruscant are you scared of losing me? I know I'm just waiting for you to pick up a ride off of here, but . . . “ He trailed off, leaving his fears unsaid.

 Leia laughed shortly; she scooted closer to his side without realizing it. “How could neither of us see this coming?”

 “'Cause we were both too stubborn. Maybe we would already be past this if we hadn't been so stubborn.”

 He looked to her. “So it did work.”

 “There was no other way it could have gone.”

 When Han’s hand landed beside hers, she didn't flinch but jumped in surprise. But she let it stay there. She didn't mind it there.

 “Han, thank you.”

 “For kissing you?”

 They both smiled but Leia shook her head. “Besides that. I was too mad with you to tell you but I was grateful for your comfort that night. Seeing you on Corellia makes me miss Alderaan.”

 Han went almost awkwardly silent. “Yeah, it was nothing. Though, I wish I could do more.”

 Her eyes falling shut, Leia smiled and shook her head. “No, Han. This is enough.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Come on. You've got to eat something more than that,” Han complained as he and Leia made their way through the breakfast line. Leia had grabbed her usual grain bars and was now reaching for a small cup of yogurt. She stopped, her hand hovering over the yogurt cups. “Is something the matter with my choices?”

 “Yes,” he looked offended as he swatted back her hand and tossed her bars across the counter. “Very. Here. Give me your plate and I'll get you fixed up.” They traded plates and, with Leia's, Han ordered to the cook behind the bar, “Three of your best hotcakes, please.”

 Leia’s eyes bulged. “ _ Three?” _

 Han considered. “You're right. Make that four!” While he waited, Han started dishing up nerf links and dried rancor strips onto her plate. When the cook hefted four fine hotcakes, Han then emptied a small saucer of a thick, blue syrup over the plate, drizzling the sugary substance all over.

 “This is heavy.”

 “That's because one hotcake is heavier than two ration bars.”

 “But is this really necessary?”

 Han quickly shook his head. “Of course not.” He grabbed a couple breakfast desserts then began leading Leia out of the lobby. “That's the point. You can eat whatever you want off this plate and it'll last you until lunch. It's called 'eating’.”

 “Oh, wow. Thanks.”

 Come on. You gotta let loose sometime. You're too stiff and boring.”

 “Boring?”

 Han stopped walking to give her a hard look. “Don't you dare try to deny that.”

 Leia rolled her eyes. “Fine. But may I ask where we're going?”

 “I was thinking we'd take advantage of our time. While we're still here, I'm going to loosen you up. Starting now with having our breakfast outside.”

 “Hey, I'm not that stiff.”

 “I don't think you're stiff; I just think you refuse to let yourself to have the smallest amount of fun.”

 “There isn't a lot of time to have fun when you're helping lead a rebellion.”

 “Well, then it's a good thing you have some time now.”

 Han took her elbow to begin leading her until she fell in step at his side. He led her through the lobby and out the doors where fresh air was waiting to greet them. With much dramatics, Han took in a lungful of air and grinned. “How about that, Princess. It's the perfect morning for a picnic.”

 “I didn't know you were the picnic type.”

 “Something wrong with that?”

 “Of course not; I just didn't expect it. I suppose there is much I still have to learn about you.”

 “We probably both do.”

 The way Han said it made her feel like he was already working at her surface with a chisel, peeling off the layers until she was exposed. Leia wasn't sure if she despised the feeling, but she knew she was used to her thick and mighty walls and she couldn't remember what it was like to live without them. She felt like she had kept those walls up so long that she no longer knew what lay behind them. Now, part of her feared seeing what was there. But Han was always so anxious to wear her down and tear apart her layers. Leia was doubtful.  _ Are you sure you want to keep looking? Sure you're going to like what you find?  _ That was another thing. Even just being with Han, Leia could tell that Han was so excited to love her. It was something Leia had trouble understanding, but Han was always looking at her like she was a Celestial or one of the angels that Inner Rim pirates always traded stories about. Now, Han Solo simply didn't swoon, but it was like he saw something in her that drew him in, like he was convinced it couldn't get any better than what she had.  _ That _ thought made her uncomfortable. She had her own insecurities and Han’s watchful, excited eye . . . exposed her. So there was something about this exposing that unsettled Leia.

 “So, Han Solo,” she began as they both sat down in a sunny patch of artificial grass in the courtyard. “How often do you like to enjoy picnics in the sun? I must know now that I am aware of your affinity for outdoor dining.”

 He shrugged, picking a spiced roll off his plate. “I don't get the chance very often. I love a warm, sunny day as much as the next guy, but I love space even more.”

 “I've never understood the pilots who truly love the confinement of a cockpit more than an open courtyard.”

 “That's 'cause you're thinking about it all wrong. There is no confinement when you're flying through the long expanses of space. Space is infinite. It offers a freedom you won't ever find on Coruscant. Or even your Alderaan.”

 “Well, Alderaan is gone and now its grave is a part of space.”

 “Alderaan was a part of space. But it was more like a speeder stop.”

 “A speeder stop?”

 “Yeah. Well, every planet and every battle station is. It's just a small pitstop in the middle of the galaxy.”

 “Corellia really isn't your home,” Leia said, amazed. “The _ Falcon _ is.”

 “And the Rebellion is yours.”

 “No,” she shook her head. “It isn't.”

 “Then, what is?”

“I don't know. I don't think I've had an actual home since I Alderaan.”

 “You know, you're welcome to stay with me on the _ Falcon _ whenever you want.”

 He said it so casually, but his words alone were enough to hit the wrong chord within Leia. She donned a sour look, shaking her head as she got to her feet. “No,” she muttered to herself.

 “Leia?”

 “No, this isn't right.”

 “Leia? Leia! What's the problem? Where are you going?” He hurried to his feet as well, stumbling as he got up and shot out an arm to stop her.

 “How could I do this?” she laughed, not appearing so amused. “How could I let this happen?”

 “Leia, what are you talking about?”

 “This is too much, Han. I can't let myself get any closer.”

 “Wait, this is about us? Hang on, Leia. What's wrong with this? What did I do?”

 “No, Han, I'm not blaming you. I shouldn't have let things go so far yesterday.”

 “What are you talking about? Leia, you kissed me back.”

 “I made a mistake, Han-”

 “No, no, no, no, no!” He took her by her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Where is this coming from? Just yesterday everything was fine. We were having a good time! We didn't want to kill each other!”

 “That's the problem, Han! This is too good and I'm a fool for letting this happen.” Her eyes darkened to a pained and aching shade that stabbed Han in the gut. She trembled where she stood as she said to him, “You're hurting me, Han.”

* * *

 

Leia’s hurt look and words combined cut Han deeper than he thought she would understand. He lost all the strength in his body and his arms loosened their hold on her. Leia shook herself out of his grasp entirely.

 Momentarily, he was at a loss for words. Han could see how hurt Leia really was and it hurt him to think that he was the cause of her pain. He would never hurt her. He would never cut her like this. He needed to fix this, so he needed to know exactly what this was about and what he'd done.

 “Sweetheart, I never want to hurt you.”

 “It's too late, Han.”

 She turned to walk away and Han hurried to run in front of her, catching her arms. “Hang on. What did I do? Where is this coming from?”

 “You're leaving, Han, aren't you? Soon as the  _ Falcon _ is repaired, you're as good as gone! Or, you keep telling me. You keep promising you're going to leave- and this last time you almost did. You were about to leave but- hey! I suppose that's the perfect time to pursue me! Kiss me, break me, and then run away! What are you hoping to accomplish, Han? How long until you leave again?”

 “Leia, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I'm trying to figure things out with Jabba, but you gotta trust me. I don't want to leave you.” He kissed her forehead. “I don't want to hurt you or make you regret anything. I'm trying to figure out how to make things work with us because, Leia-” he suddenly stopped as he realized what words were about to roll off his tongue and how natural it had come. He had known what was happening, that it was happening, but he hadn't realized how ready he was to say it to her. Thus was the reason for his smile as he told her for the first time, “I lo-.”

 A look of near horror flashed across Leia’s face and she stepped back. To Han’s mounting fear, Leia shouted, “No!”

“No?”

 “Han, please don't say that! Don't say that to me! Don't just throw those words around! Do you understand what they mean to me?”

 “Sweetheart, I ain't just ‘throwing those words around’. It means something to me too; that's why I was going to say them. I want to say them because- well, because it's true, Leia, and you make me want to stay.”

 “No, I’m-” she cut herself off, avoiding Han’s gaze and persistently shaking her head. “I'm not . . .”

 Leia wasn't ready for those words. Han nodded, taking a step back. She wasn't ready for those words because, for the last three years, Han had given her every reason to keep her walls up and lock him out. And that's exactly what she was doing. Han had no one to blame but himself.

 “Will you?”

 Han brought his gaze back to Leia where she stood, her eyes tougher but with a delicate softness. She watched him carefully. “Will I what?”

She asked him, “Will you stay?”

 As much as Han could see, there was little to no hope in Leia's eyes. Like she was protecting herself.  _ Oh, no, sweetheart. Let me have your heart. You can trust me with it. _ Of course, Han had been so close to leaving and probably would have had circumstances been different. But now, with their gazes locked and both hurt by each other, Han couldn't bear the pain again. What he'd said was true- Leia made him want to stay and he couldn't remember the last time anything had made him want to stay anywhere. In Leia he found that something he'd spent his life gallivanting across the stars to find. Whatever it was he needed, Han knew it was in her.

 And he loved her. He truly did. Leia sometimes terrified him in the most thrilling ways without realizing what she did to him. He just wanted to do the same for her. He just wanted her to be happy, to feel free, to feel loved and whole. He wanted to see her smile every day and wake up to her laugh, but both were such a commodity.

 Han wanted her to know that he loved her and he wanted to hear her say it back.  _ I will do anything,  _ he thought, like an impulse, without really thinking. He just came to realize it as it crossed to the forefront of his mind, finally becoming a tangible realization.  _ I will do anything for you. But will I stay?  _ Without hesitation, without a question, without a doubt, Han promised her, “Yes.” Leia didn't blink. Han gently pulled on her arm until she was once again sitting in the grass with him. He was pleased to note that she didn't resist. “Yeah, Princess, I would stay for you.”

 Her eyes flicked away for a moment before returning softer, yet- more like herself.

 Han swallowed, but never moved his gaze from her.“Only problem, sweetheart, is my bounty.”

 Leia straightened and her smile grew but turned sad. “And then you're as good as gone, aren't you?”

 It was all he could do to hold back the sigh deep in his throat. He had no response.

 Leia got up with a quiet sigh, taking her empty plate with her. “I'll be inside if you need me,” she said.

_ Oh, but I do. _


	12. Chapter 12

Han was tired. He was tired of running, chasing- chasing shadows, vain hopes,  flowers too beautiful and delicate for him to touch. Those flowers- he watched them bloom, was lured in by their scent, but they shriveled up, snapped closed the second he reached out to stroke a petal.

 He'd been tormented, Leia's hopeless smile stuck in his mind's eye. He wanted her. He wanted her so badly, but kriffing Jabba and bounty hunters and a cart of glitterstim spice that he'd jettisoned out the  _ Falcon’s _ cargo hold ages ago were ruining everything. No, he couldn't blame this on such frivolous excuses. What was done was done and Han had never lived his life thinking that he'd meet anyone like Leia. He hadn't thought that one shipment gone awry could one day jeopardize his shots with the woman he'd never known he wanted. So here they were and Han would just have to fight for her.

 Unlike he had ever imagined, Han wouldn't have to fight handsome, rich, burly princes or galactic species aid volunteers for her but her own borders and defenses. However, this was no easier battle. He would have to fight his way in through uncharted territory, dense forests of veneers, long stretches of doubt, caution and fear. Han would have to break down every wall she had just to get to her center. It would be a challenge beyond any other, but Han thought the prize to be well worth it.  _ Let me have your heart; you can trust me with it. _

__ Her rejection the night before had stung but he understood- and now he gruesomely understood what she feared as it became a fear of his own, something he hadn't let himself get caught up with because he was caught up in falling in love with her. But the truth almost stopped him dead in his tracks: Leia was afraid of falling in love with him. The next terrible truth was that Han couldn't blame her. Time and time again, he had told her that he was standing at the ready, one foot out the door and ready to run. How could he show her that he  _ couldn't leave _ because of her? Because she kept him on the lookout for her. She was the only thing making him stay. Even the kid couldn't hold him back, tied to that kriffing ice planet! It was all her.  _ What will make you understand? _

 Han came out of the refresher with a towel tucked around his waist. Leia turned in response to hearing the door open and blushed a fierce red when her gaze landed on Han in his half-naked glory. Han didn't even smirk or make some backhanded comment about her swooning. He waved, padding across the carpet with his wet and shriveled feet. He waited for her to say something, taking his time with finding a shirt and thrusting his arms through, then turning to face Leia while he slowly did each button.

 “Okay!” Leia quietly gasped, spinning around and he laughed to himself.

 “Here,” he heard her say when she turned back, just as he was completing his last top button. She'd thrust forward her hand with a small slip of the flimsi material that sat on the nightstand. He took it. “What's this?”

 “I got up early this morning. I found a few mechanics I think you should look at. They sound just suspicious enough that they might not turn us over to Vader.”

 “Mechanics?”

 Her expression deadpan, Leia nodded and folded her arms over her chest. “For the _ Falcon.” _

 “Right.” To say Han was disappointed was an understatement.

 “What? Were you planning on staying here forever?”

 Han opened his mouth. So many objections came to mind but fell silent in the shadow of Leia's cold frustration. He shut his mouth and sighed.

 “We need to get off of Corellia soon so I can rejoin the fleet.”

 “Leia, I'm coming with you.”

 “Of course. I need a ride.”

 “Leia,” he shook his head. “I know that you're upset with me but-”

 “I'm not upset with you.”

 “Then stop acting like this! Sweetheart, I get why you're upset and I get that it's my fault, so I'm sorry, but you don't need to be afraid of me!”

 “I'm not afraid of you!”

 “You can trust me, Princess! I wouldn't dream of hurting you.”

 Leia didn't respond. She froze where she stood, swallowed, breathing heavily.

 “I don't want to hurt you.”

 Leia squinted at him just as a queasy feeling took over his gut, twisting his insides. He groaned to himself. What had he just said? No, there had to be a perfect one-liner to fix this, one sentence to get them back on track. “Hey!” he clapped and Leia jumped. “I know what to do! Why don't I buy you something nice to wear so we can eat out.”

 “What?”

 “Yeah! I'll buy you something nice so we can eat out at one of those fancy restaurants downtown. I've got plenty of credits from the Alliance to spend. Come on. Let me take you somewhere nice.”

 To Han’s confusion, Leia blushed a brilliant hue of cherry red before she managed a soft-spoken, “Okay.” She exhaled what came out as a short, choked-off laugh minus the smile. “Sure. Where are you taking me?”

 “It's a surprise. First, though,” Han said, digging into his credit pouch and pulling out several crumpled, gray credits and a few credcoins. “You should buy something nice.”

* * *

 

In all honesty, Leia’s new dress didn't look very good on her. Not with her disguise, that is. Her black wig clashed awfully with the dress’s emerald color and the lace on the top didn't suit her adapted tough, street girl persona either. It wasn't at all the character Leia was playing. But it was Leia. Han could almost see  _ her _ beneath the heavy makeup, colored contacts and hair dye, could almost see Leia in the dress, though with some difficulty. He wished he could really see her in the dress. He thought she would look gorgeous.

 “I should have gotten that red one,” Leia sighed, tugging at the skirt’s loose fabric. She glanced to her left where a group of younger women stood watching, making snide comments beyond what Han understood of Leia’s fashion disaster.

 “Hey,” Han gently tugged on her arm and guided her forward. “You look great. Don’t worry about what anyone else is saying.” He walked up to the front desk, told the host, “Table for two,” then took Leia’s arm as he played the part of a younger man taking his lady out. Playing her half of the act, Leia snuggled herself into his side. Something about the action felt just right to Han, like his own figure had been carved out perfectly for Leia’s hips and side to fit there. He squeezed her hand.

 “Table for two,” the twi’lek hostess echoed with a smile as she dipped into a curtsey and stepped aside for Han and Leia to take their seats. She set down the menus, then pranced off with a twi’lek’s typical grace. As soon as the waitress was gone, Leia’s gaze flew to Han, an excited but anxious twinkle in her eye. Even with all her synthetic makeup, Han didn’t miss the blush that crept into her cheeks. “So,” she actually smiled. “You got me here.”

 “Yeah, well. You didn’t make it too difficult this time.”

 Leia shrugged. “I’m tired of fighting with you.”

 “I thought that’s what the other day’s  _ discussion _ was for.”

 She sighed shortly. “This is one time. Please don’t make this into a bigger deal than it already is.”

 “How is this a big deal?”

 Leia simply gaped at him.

 “Oh, come on. We just got here. Do you have to spoil it that quickly?”

 “Fine,” she shook her head, dropping her gaze. She looked to her lap where she neatly folded her napkin. “But just this once.”

 Confused, Han just went along with it, whatever she meant. “Sure,” he nodded. “Just this once.” He opened the menu to take a glance and almost laughed aloud at the prices. At least it wasn’t  _ his _ money he’d be spending on this night.

 They spent a few minutes looking over the choices in silence. Though, from just above his menu, Han noticed Leia’s eyes frequently spying on him. She was taken over with a nervous demeanor that showed in her silence and it started to make Han nervous. They ordered their drinks, then meals. Aside from placing either orders, Leia said no more.

 “What on Coruscant is wrong now?”

 “I’m sorry,” she wiped at her mouth with the cloth in her lap. “This just feels- wrong.”

 “Maybe, if you didn’t make it so weird-”

 “Weird? How were you expecting me to handle this, Han? I wasn’t expecting you to just pull this out from under me!”

 “What have I pulled out from under you? It’s not like I got down on one knee and proposed.”

 “I’ve told you over and over that I don’t want to be in a relationship and then you ask me out!”

 “Ask you-” Han cut himself off once it all slid into place. Horrified with himself, he could only stutter, “I asked you out on a date.”

 Leia’s mouth fell open. “What were you trying to accomplish?”

 “I asked you out on a date.”

 “Is this some kind of joke to you? Have you been betting with the Rogues on how long it will take you to get me in bed?”

 “Leia,” he moaned. “You know me so much better than that.”

 “But I still don’t know what all this is for,” she said and displayed her hands out to her sides.

 “Yeah I don’t either.”

 “Are you kidding?”

 “I- I didn’t realize when I said it what this sounded like to you.”

 “So you weren’t actually asking me out on a date?”

 Han plastered a grin to his face, saying, “But you thought I was and you agreed to it.”

 Leia’s glare turned deathly.

 “Alright, no, I wasn’t. I wouldn’t push you like that. But if this is a date . . . I really wouldn’t mind.”

 Leia didn’t respond; her gaze slid away and Han knew he needed to hurry if he wanted to reach her. “You know what? This isn’t us. What do you say, we get our meals boxed up, head back to the room and we’ll make a picnic out of it on the balcony?”

 Leia didn’t give him a smile yet. “Han, are you asking me out on a date?”

_ A dinner on the balcony of a three-star hotel on Corellia. Yeah, that sounds like a real date _ . He took a long breath and let it out slowly. “Yeah, Princess. I am. What do you think about that?”

 Leia folded her napkin back up and tucked it under her full plate. She folded her hands in her lap, then met his hopeful gaze. She beamed brilliantly. “I think that sounds great.” She flagged the waitress to ask for carry-out boxes.

 “Come on.” Han took her hand. “Let's blow this joint.”

* * *

 

Han had grabbed disposable plates from the hotel’s dining hall and meticulously laid out Leia’s boxed-up meal on one. The entree of a nerf steak took up much of the plate’s space but sat perfectly in the middle with its accompanying thick and creamy white sauce drizzled over it. The greens were laid out to one side and a fluffy biscuit sat neatly on the other. Han laid out his own plate, then retrieved a music-playing holo that he’d spotted in the small closet earlier. He set it against the exterior wall of the hotel room on the balcony. “You almost ready?” Han called as he stuck his head inside the room.

 Leia came out from the refresher, her wig and makeup suddenly missing, and complained, “I haven’t even changed.”

 It was just her, just Leia in all her splendid, natural beauty. Not even the makeup Han was used to seeing her wear decorated her face. It was just her pale skin, her cheeks bearing their own blush, framed by rich, dark eaves of thick hair. Han had never seen her hair down before- his heart skipped a beat, then began to steadily hammer in his chest.

 “You’re already dressed in your nightwear,” she said, indicating him with an outstretched arm.

 “Don’t take that dress off,” Han gently begged her. “You look perfect just like that.” He had been right. Maybe that dress wasn’t meant for Leia’s Corellian alter ego, but she looked stunning in emerald and the fabric clung in all the right places, accentuating her curves and bringing out her brilliant eyes. Those eyes. The dress’s color only brought him back to her face, to her eyes. Her eyes- they were the gatekeepers to her soul, Han thought, the true mark of an angel of Iego. They were always warm, even when the princess herself was ice cold. They stirred something within Han that made him forget who he was. They erased the past that made him so cynical and cocky and independent. Those chestnut and russet-mixed eyes shined with an odd mischievousness and excitement full of hope that Han could never understand how they persisted when the young woman they belonged to had suffered and lost so much. Those eyes were her fire, everything that Han was coming to love about her summed up into one small part of her. They were the heart and soul of the growing mix of warm feelings Leia gave him. But the whole of her was somehow even better.

 Leia laughed, stepping forward. “Well, it's not very practical for a simple dinner out on the balcony, don't you think?”

 “You better stop right there, Princess.”

 She smiled disapprovingly, that deep red blush returning to her fair cheeks. She shook it off and joined him out on the porch; her bare feet padded softly against the smooth and polished tile. With a princess's elegance, she sat down, curling up her legs together to her side- she leaned on one hand.

 “I'm glad you decided to join me,” Han told her with a coy smile.

 She shrugged shortly. “It's not like I have anywhere else to go. Or anything to do.”

 “That's an excuse.”

 She chuckled.

 “So why are you finally agreeing to this?”

 “I'm not agreeing to anything. I'm just being- cautiously optimistic.”

 Han stopped for a moment to raise an eyebrow at her.

 “And I'm trying something new.”

 “Oh yeah? What's that?”

 “Listening to the voice in my heart.”

 “You don't do that often, do you?”

 She shook her head, dropping her eyes to her plate. “I usually listen to the one in my head. That one is all about logic and I'm comfortable with logic. Therefore, it's only logical to listen to logic.”

 “But why haven't you tried listening to your heart before?”

 “It scares me,” she murmured- Han almost missed it. “It always tells me to try these new things that I've never done before and it scares me to wonder how it might turn out if I go through with them. Because my mind reminds me of everything that could go wrong.”

 “May I ask what the voices say about me?”

 Leia almost smiled as she forced her gaze to hold Han’s and told him, “I think you already know.”

 He nodded, finding himself out of words for a long while.He reached for the music holo and cranked up the volume a few notches. The moody notes of soft Corellian jazz drifted from the device, some static making the music thrum. Han adjusted the settings until the music was softer and Leia smiled. “What is this?” she asked, indicating the holo with an outstretched hand. “I've never heard this genre before, I don't think, but it sounds beautiful.”

 “Oh, yeah? Come here.” He pulled himself to his feet and reached down to take Leia's hand. Her smile was small, just barely there; Han made it his goal to make that smile broaden.

 She reached for his hand and Han helped her stand. Slowly, pacing his every move to accommodate her, Han slipped his arms around Leia's small frame, settling one hand low on her back and the other took her hand. “It's jazz,” he told her. “The Corellian kind. Hear the instruments? Corellian brass. Our trademark in music.”

 Han led her in simply swaying, easy side to side motions, until her ears and feet were both adjusted to the foreign rhythm and pulse. Then, he let his feet sync into the music which was so familiar to him. He showed Leia and she soon joined him. “Keep going,” he encouraged her. “With each horn and percussionist joining the ensemble, the music will get faster. You gotta’ keep up.”

 Leia moved her feet faster, following the short steps and sweeps as Han taught them. She seemed surprised. “I didn't know Corellians cared for music.”

 “We're just like Alderaanians, sweetheart. Except we like things a little spicier.”

 A cymbal sizzled in the background of the music track and Han chose that moment to pull her closer to himself. He did so gently, giving her the space to back out but she didn't. She stayed right where Han wanted her, entirely willing to follow his lead. But her body was stiff, cautious, untrusting. Han shook her arm and pressed his palm into her back. Her muscles loosened and she relaxed into his hold. “Don't think about it so hard. Don't listen to any voices. Just do what you feel. Feeling is natural. What you feel is always the truth.”

 “I already know what I feel.”

 “Then, I believe the next step is acting-”

 This time, Leia shut him up with her own mouth, no words needed. Han was startled as he found her in his arms, her face too close to see and her lips threaded with his. She was soft and gentle but with a swift motion and it surprised Han, how good she was.  _ Why am I surprised? This woman is amazing. _

 Startled- and foggy in the mind, Han broke their connection, gently pushing her back. “Are you sure?”

 “Yes,” she gasped.

 “Leia, five seconds ago-”

 Leia stopped him with a deadly look, her eyes narrowed. “I'm fighting myself and I'm finally winning. Don't question it _ now.” _

 “I'm just making sure.”

 She shook her head and kept him still by holding his face between her hands. “Hush, flyboy.”

 Han felt surprised in a blindsided way as she, yet again, initiated their next kiss herself. She didn't seem so small with her body pressed warmly against his and her arms snaking around his neck, working to pull him closer.

 “Leia,” he mumbled, reluctantly breaking away once again.

 She shook her head, her wavy hair swaying with the motion. The curls spilt over her shoulders and fell perfectly to frame her eyes. Han swiped all of it behind her so it fell down her back.

 “Stop it,” she growled at him.

 “You’re positive you want to keep going with this?”

 “Han, kriff it and kiss me.”

 So Han kissed her. His mind blared with the lively thrum of Leia's body pushing against his. Delicate hands, soft, warm skin crawling up his shoulders, neck, face- tickling his skin. She begged him- without words, she begged him, pulling him closer. It was never good enough. Closer, closer. Her fingers found their way into his hair and became knotted up there, tugging, begging. Closer, closer. All the while, her hips danced with his, caught in a dance they'd never shared before. Han pulled her closer, brushing his hand through her loose hair, then down her back. She held him tighter. Han moaned into her mouth, still dancing in his feet, in his lips.

 But then, one of Leia's hands fell from his head to the collar of his shirt. Her fingers twitched against his neck, seemingly nervous, and he waited to see what she would do. He felt her hesitation and he was about to force things to slow down when her hand fell again, now disappearing beneath his shirt. Then, her other hand followed suit. Han allowed some space to slip between them and Leia briefly broke their connected mouths to start working at his shirt. The buttons were small but Leia, with nimble and small fingers, made quick work of going down the line until the article of clothing fell uselessly to the floor and she was staring straight into his bare chest. “Stars,” she gasped. Han chuckled shortly and allowed her a second to stare before he picked her up and resumed. She had no protests. Her small hands explored his body, a new territory for her. She pinched at his skin while her mouth continued to explore their new home.

 “What happened to the struggle?” he asked. Leia seemed to grow restless and impatient with Han’s constant breaks and talking but she answered this one openly and honestly. “I decided that- even if I hurt later, I want to feel this now.”

 “I don't want to hurt you.”

 “I know,” she nodded. Her hands were still investigating every inch of exposed skin on his body, moving faster and faster as if there wasn't enough uncovered. “I get it.”

 Leia’s touch wandering around him was tantalizing. Looking at her, he was tempted, longing to see more of her beneath that flowy, thin dress. His imagination, he was sure, couldn't do justice. Oh, how this woman killed him! “Princess, I want to stay, but I don't want to hurt you.”

 “Han, I think I understand now.”

 He kept on going, trying to find the words to express his feelings while Leia was experimenting with touch for the first time. “Sweetheart, you know you're the only reason I've stayed with the Rebellion, but you're also the only reason I haven't left.”

 “Shhh. You don't have to explain.” He felt her tongue trace his jaw and lips, then delving back in to familiarize herself with the inside. Their tongues clashed excitedly, fervently.

 “Can I lie in your bed today?” Han asked, gasping for breath.

 “Only if we get to share.”

 Now, Han drew her up in his arms so her feet left the floor. His arms made a vision for her to sit and Leia came to understand that her legs now belonged wrapped around Han's waist. He carried her back inside and nearly tripped over the holo. Leia laughed as the music turned louder as a result. “Shush,” Han managed between urgent and demanding strokes against her mouth. “I'm trying to kiss you.”

 “You're the one that keeps talking.”

 He shut them both up, returning his mouth to its place on hers. He grazed a hand along her arm and she shuddered, relishing his touch. But her hair! It was everywhere and Han loved the feel of that softness between his fingers. His hand dove back through the waves, efficiently combing them and brushing them out of the way.  _ You're gorgeous. _

 Making it to the comfortable bed, Han gently dropped her on the mattress and kneeled over her. In a fluid motion, Leia managed to open the snap of his pants while reaching up to grab him and pull him back to her. He started to work them off while Leia got to lie back and watch. He wasted no time, kicking off his pants and tossing them aside, then crawling back onto the bed and diving for Leia's neck. She moaned pleasantly. Her hands now danced across his waistline. Han slipped a hand beneath her back and grimaced. “I changed my mind.”

 Leia frowned. “About what?”

 “You were right. That dress is really impractical.”

 She beamed excitedly at him. Reaching for one short sleeve, she asked, “I should take it off, shouldn't I?”

“Yeah,” Han nodded as he reached for the zipper on the back of her dress. “It'll get in the way.”

 Leia sat up so he could help unzip her. She bit her lip, smiling while Han’s thumb slowly tickled it's way down her back, dragging the zipper down. She pushed her sleeves off her shoulder and smiled brighter at Han’s sigh. He held her shoulders, his breath warming her neck at the nape. “Are you positive you want to do this?”

 Sweet, foreign Corellian stars, she loved this man! She loved this man. “Han, it's been a long time since I've been so sure of anything.”


	13. Chapter 13

Leia had never felt so alive. Her entire being now pulsed to a rhythm so different than she had used to lived to. Her heart beat erratically, thumping excitedly, pumping blood through her like a dedicated worker staying late. Her body tingled with excitement, the lingering remains of her exuberance. No, not lingering. The joy she still felt twisting her insides refused to fade. The sensation wasn't going to leave her anytime soon.

 She was free. Her life was no longer bounded by the limits of her fears but full of endless possibilities as she dreamed of everything she wanted for herself.  _ This is okay, _ she assured herself.  _ This isn't selfish- this is called living.  _ Han was teaching her how to live, what all it meant. He'd taught her to draw breath, to think, to strive, to rejoice. She didn't have to spend her life in mourning. She could find a new home. It was okay to find a new hope. It was okay to take something for herself, claim it and rejoice in it. Now it was all becoming so clear. She knew exactly what she wanted- and it was lying right next to her.

 Leia tossed her head to the side to look at Han. He snored softly beside her, turned on his side and facing her. One of his arms was lazily draped over her stomach, holding her hip. He hadn't moved from this position for a few hours and Leia didn't mind at all. She stretched her neck just enough to reach his grizzled cheek with her lips and left a tender kiss there. He woke up with a moan and a smile and Leia felt his grip around her tighten as he pulled her impossibly closer. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder.

 “Mornin’, Princess,” he greeted in a sleepy voice, his eyes still closed.

 “Good morning, scoundrel.”

 “Scoundrel?” Han’s eyes suddenly snapped open. Leia laughed as Han sat up and wrapped her up in his arms. “Scoundrel.” He touched his nose to hers. “I like the sound of that.”

 Leia couldn't resist and she brought her arms around his neck so she could melt against him for another kiss. When he reluctantly broke away for air, Han groaned. “Mmm, fierfek, you're so beautiful.”

 As if on cue, Leia's stomach grumbled. She laughed. “Was that your stomach?” Han asked.

 She laughed more. “I'm hungry.”

 “We didn't eat last night.”

 “We didn't eat last night,” Leia echoed, giggling.

 “Kriff! We left the food outside.”

 “You spent so many credits on that meal!” Leia was delirious with laughter and Han could only smile at her. “I guess we should get breakfast.”

 “Mmm. Already? I don't want to get out of bed yet.”

 Retrieving his briefs from the floor, Han smiled at her, then gave her forehead a soft kiss. “I don't either, but we should eat.” He took her hand and she pushed herself out of bed. She picked clothes from the dresser and was about to carry her stack to change in the refresher when she realized how pointless that would be. She thought herself a modest woman, conservative in the old Alderaanian ideals, but, just the night before, Leia had exposed her entire body to Han Solo. He'd seen everything to her, kissed and touched nearly every inch of skin on her.

 Leia shivered delightfully at the mere thought: she and Han had slept together.

 So Leia rested her clothes on the edge of the drawer while she took them one article at a time and dressed herself while Han did the same on the other side of the room. It felt strange switching back from herself to her temporary alter ego after such a night of honesty with Han, and she did this reluctantly but did as was needed. She put the skintight pants on and the glossy boots and donned a spacer’s jacket as if it belonged there. Before she could walk to the refresher to do her makeup however, Han hurried to stop her, lifting her chin for a kiss. Unquestionably, Leia went along with it. He stepped back slowly, studying her. “What is it?” Leia asked. Han shook his head. “I just wanted to kiss you once more before you have to be-  _ this.” _

 Leia smiled gently, gifting him with a second, drawn out kiss. “There, flyboy. Now, you have to stay patient until tonight.”

 “Kriff, Leia, I hate that wig on you!”

 “Do you have a fetish for my hair?”

 “Maybe. A small one. You should _ not _ put it on today.”

 “My poor flyboy. I thought you were hungry?”

 “I am.” He frowned. “Why don't I change so I can pick up breakfast and bring it to the room?”

 Comically, Leia pouted. “But I  _ just _ changed. I don't feel like changing again.”

 “Hey, put some pajamas on, I'll meet you in bed after I get our breakfast and I promise you won't regret it.”

 Leia’s responsive smile was involuntary. She tried to frown at Han but it didn't work. Growing suddenly timid, she told him softly, “Han, I don't- want to have-  _ sex  _ again.”

 Han froze.

 “No! It's not like that! It's just- I want to talk.”

 Han seemed only more hurt by this.

 “What?”

 “When a woman says that they 'just want to talk’, that's _ never _ a good thing.”

 “Han, it's fine. I just- I'm really excited right now and I need a moment to think.”

 It was a long moment before Han nodded. “Okay.”

 Feeling uneasy, Han left and hurried back with a full tray of breakfast dough rolls with sweet and rich frosting, warm hotcakes and syrup, nerf sausages and eggs from what species Han did not care to know. As agreed upon, Leia was waiting for him under the covers, already changed into a white and light blue nightgown. “You're right,” she smiled. “I feel comfy in bed and I don't want to get back out.”

 Han laughed and brought their food over. Leia glanced across the tray. “Somebody took advantage of the buffet.”

 “Dig in,” he encouraged. “Whatever you want.”

 She smiled, enthusiastic, and went straight for a dough roll with a beige frosting.

 “Now, we need to talk.”

 “Yesh,” Leia nodded and said around a mouthful of food.

 “I go first.”

 “What have you to say, Captain?”

 “Before I went downstairs,” he began, “when you said you didn't want to have sex.”

 “Yes?”

 “You said the word 'sex’ like a schoolgirl.”

 Leia almost choked on her food, coughing bits across the mattress. “Excuse me?”

 Han laughed again. “Sex. It's just a word, sweetheart.”

 “And I say it like a schoolgirl?”

 “Precisely. It's like you're scared of the word.”

 “Ha! That's ridiculous! I'm not _ scared _ of saying- it.”

 Han raised an accusatory brow at her. “Oh, really?”

 “Yes! I have no trouble saying it! I'm not childish like that!”

 “Then, say it.”

 “What?”

 “Say the word 'sex’.”

 “Why do I have to?”

 “What does it matter? Do you have a problem with saying it?”

 Swinging her arm, clearly agitated, Leia shook her head.

 “Then, say it.”

 “ . . . Sex,” she muttered.

 “What was that? I didn't hear you.”

 Though she smiled, Leia’s eyes lit on fire. “Sex,” she said firmly, immediately blushing.

 “Louder.”

 “Why?!”

 Han laughed at her. “Why can't you say 'sex’ without getting weird about it?”

 Leia tossed her arms, ignoring his gaze. “We were talking about Alderaan. So, I've been thinking about my family.” She guffawed at herself. “I can hear Aunty Rouge reprimanding me, giving me some big speech about making polite, dinner-appropriate conversation and how 'not everyone wants to know what I was doing last night’. It- I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm being weird.”

 “Well, why don't you say the word in spite of your aunt?”

 She beamed, amused by the suggestion. “Really?”

 “Yes. Imagine it's dinner time. You're sitting at the table right across from your aunt. The soup has been served when you suddenly say. . .”

 Leia smiled slyly, leaning up against Han. She murmured against his cheek, “Last night, I had sex with Han Solo. And it was amazing.”

 Han looked at her, the hilarity suddenly fading. “Did you just lose your virginity last night?” Leia didn't seem entirely surprised when he asked. Her amusement as well left the room, but she wasn't upset or uncomfortable. Without a hint of embarrassment, Leia nodded. Han’s expression remained no different. “Fierfek, you're amazing.”

 Leia’s cheeks turned rosy. “I want to talk you about this.”

 “But no bad things, right?”

 “No bad things.”

 “So, what are you thinking?”

 “Can I tell you about Alderaan?”

 Han blinked, thoroughly confused. “Sure. Of course.”

 Leia settled into the bed, taking Han’s hand into both of hers. “Alderaan was a very conservative world. We had morals that were built deep in our history, in our culture. Alderaanian morals also have a lot of beliefs when it comes to sex- morals that I still value.

 “To Alderaanians, sex is a very sacred thing. It's not to be taken lightly. You don't do it at just anytime with anyone. Otherwise, you've ruined something special, something that's meant for a couple when they know they've found the one. Sex is a sacred act. It's like the seal on a flimsi note. It's the sign of a culminated and set marriage. Many valued the concept of saving yourself until marriage. Not that I've ever considered a future outside of my diplomatic career much but I always thought I'd save myself for marriage so I knew he was the one. I knew I wanted to at least save myself for someone special. For that  _ one. . . .  _ What happened last night, I didn't see it coming. I'm just as surprised as you are. I'm trying to make sense of where it came from but it's much simpler than I want to admit. Han, I want you to understand how seriously I take this.”

 On Hoth, Han had teased her relentlessly for not admitting to the feelings she harbored for him, but Leia’s recent steps and confessions went beyond what Han had seen in her eyes for the last couple years. It startled him how eager and anxious she was, how her desires matched his with equal fervor. It thrilled him, finally confronting what grew between them and coming to understand its strength. He found it so easy to fall in love with Leia but seeing her just as caught up in the whirlwind was something else on a whole new level. “Take . . .”

 “Us.” Leia covered her face with her hands and screeched. “I'm still scared,” she admitted. “In fact, I might be more afraid than I was before. Han, I really do want this but it's insane how suddenly last night happened. That wasn't the plan. I wanted to be able to completely trust you first.”

“Maybe that's the thing. Without realizing it, maybe you already do.”

 Leia actually smiled. “I think I just might. The one thing is, Han . . . I know you want to stay. But I need to _ know _ you're going to stay. Otherwise, I can't keep this up. I can't set myself up to be disappointed.  _ I need to know _ if you're going to stay when we regroup with the Rebel fleet. Will you stay with me? Or, will it be like this trip never happened?”

 She killed him! Oh, she killed him! She had now drawn a line in the sand, giving him his final warning. But Han already knew his answer. He needn't think on it a moment longer before he grabbed the flimsi note pad from the nightstand and a writing tool. “What does it take to make a document official to the Rebel Alliance?” he asked her.

 “Pardon?”

 “If I wanted to make a flimsi an official Alliance document, I only need it signed by a member of the Advisory Council, right?”

 Leia slowly nodded, watching him with a careful gaze. “Yes.”

 “Which you are?”

 “Yes.”

 “So you can hold me accountable for this.”

 “Accountable for what?”

 But Han was already writing, scribbling away on the small and bright hotel flimsi. “I, Han Solo,” he was muttering. “That's formal-sounding, right? That's how you're supposed to say it? Alright. So, I, Han Solo,  _ pledge . . .” _

 Leia leaned over him, watching as he wrote, trying to decipher his scribbly handwriting. “Han, what are you writing?”

 “Sh! I'm working!”

 “Han!”

 “ _ Rebel Al-li-ance.” _

__ “It's the Alliance to Restore the Republic.”

 “Huh?”

 “On formal documents, you always use the full name. It's the Alliance to Restore the Republic.”

 “Huh.”

 “Han?”

 “One second.”

 “What are you writing?”

 “A document.”

 “What does your document say?”

 He stopped to look at her, handing off the note pad and stylus. His gaze was heavy and focused, solely focused on her. He smiled, gently holding her chin and kissing her. “It says that I love you.”

* * *

 

Leia’s swooping signature sealed the deal beneath the most heartfelt confession of love Han could give her. Following that, she had no words to express her joy, so she settled to snuggle into his embrace while they finished their breakfast.

 For the next few hours, they enjoyed simply talking to each other like they never had. They traded what happy stories they had. Han, seeing it only fair as they were on Corellia and she had learned much about the planet, asked Leia about her homeworld. Happily, she recounted in painstaking detail Alderaan's rich culture of thoughtful art, insightful poems and deep embedded morals. Han told her that he'd visited once and Leia brightened even more. She asked about his trip and, guiltily and regrettably, Han explained that he hadn't stayed long or even went sightseeing. Leia forgave him and made up for his uneventful visit by telling him even more.

 Han found more joy in Leia’s exuberance as she told her stories rather than the stories themselves. She was so happy, so at peace. And it wasn't often that Leia could think about her home without her heart squeezing and tears glistening just behind her eyes. It was a sight Han was determined to enjoy.

 He paid undivided attention to Leia's stories of being a mischievous child in the Organa palace and always creating trouble while her childhood friend, a white-haired girl with a photographic memory, tried to prevent her frequent skirmishes. She teared up when speaking of this lost friend, but smiled in her memory as she continued on.

 Leia told him about a horrible cousin she had, a son of her Aunt Tia’s who was a stuck-up prick but how she still missed him too. She spoke of the prestigious academy she graduated young from and how she had studied a wide range of subjects before leaving the school to take her father's place as Alderaan’s senator at only sixteen. Leia Organa never did cease to amaze him.

 When it was just around lunchtime, Leia turned in Han’s arms to look at him. With a regretful look, she reminded him, “We should leave soon.” Han nodded, understanding, and decided to make the most of their last hours on Corellia. Han took out the music holo and turned the jazz back on and they danced around the bed until it was nearing night. “Our last night here,” Han whispered into her crown before they turned the lights out. “We'll make plans to leave tomorrow.”

 “One last night,” Leia agreed with smile as she thought about the future they could build together when they got back to the fleet. Then, she crawled into bed with Han for their last night on Corellia.


	14. Chapter 14

Leia considered it an honor that Han was allowing her to sit in the copilot's seat of the _ Falcon's _ cockpit. Even if it was for just a moment. Chewbacca occupied Han’s seat while the captain himself was back in the circuitry bay, yelling a storm. Leia sighed, but still smiled. “Han, all we need is for the _ Falcon _ to last one jump!” she kindly reminded him. They would be taking a single jump to get to Rhommamool. There, they would be meeting a “buddy” of Han’s for more repairs, then hightailing it to Ord Vaxal. Then, they'd finally be home.

 “Alright,” Han grumbled, returning to the cockpit. Leia slid out of Chewie’s seat to sit behind Han. “Start her up, Chewie. Let's get outta’ here.” She understood his frustration. Though the _ Falcon  _ had yet to leave the planet behind, Leia already missed Corellia, already missed their hotel room and the dining hall and the breakfast bar she and Han had taken full advantage of this morning and the day before. She chuckled at the thought; Han had stocked up two trays, then packed them up to smuggle aboard the _ Falcon.  _ They had enough morning sweets to last them until Rhommamool.

 “Coordinates are already set in,” she told him as he took back his seat. “Are you sure the _ Falcon  _ will hold until we get there?”

 “Of course!” Han looked hurt that Leia would doubt his baby's capabilities. But when he turned his attention to the control board, he muttered nervously, “She better. Or we're dead before we rejoin the fleet.”

 “And what about this _ buddy _ of yours. What did you say his name is? Lando?”

 “Hey, relax. Lando and I go way back. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see the old girl again. Lando used to own the _ Falcon. _ ”

 “Then, how did you get it?”

 He flashed a smile, proudly explaining, “I won the _ Falcon _ from him in a game of sabacc.”

 “He isn't bitter, is he?”

 “No! It's fine. Lando and I are good friends. Don't worry.”

 Leia nodded as she settled back into her seat, not so easily assured. “Who's worried?”

* * *

 

They descended the boarding ramp together, hands clasped and fingers threaded together. Han took the first step forward, frowning across the walkway. There was only one place to look, a lone door, where nobody stood waiting for them.

 “Oh! No one to meet us!” C-3PO exclaimed, apparently baffled.

 “Where's your friend?

 “I'm sure he's coming. This looks like a pretty big facility he's got here.”

 Leia shook her head, watching the door. “I don't like this.”

 “Well, what would you like?”

 “We should have stayed on Corellia to have Mirax and her father finish our repairs.”

 “The Terriks risked enough with getting us our identities without putting the _ Falcon _ in their docking bay.”

 Leia completely agreed but something about this meeting felt  _ wrong.  _ And Leia didn't like the idea of trusting “old friends” of Han’s. She trusted his future much more than his past. Leia squeezed his hand and Han turned to offer an easy smile. “I'm here,” he smiled just as the door down the walkway opened for a swarthy, confident man who strode forward to meet them with a silky blue cape floating behind him. Han stepped away from Leia and held out a hand to clasp but the man ignored it as he came to a stop still several feet before them. His gaze was cool and measuring as he eyed Han and glanced down Leia, Chewie and Threepio. “Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no good, swindler. You got a lot of guts coming around here after what you pulled.”

 Han feigned innocence, turning his thumbs to himself. “Hey,” he shrugged. “You lost the _ Falcon _ to me fair and square.”

 Then, suddenly, the man broke into a wild grin and practically jumped on Han. “That, I did, old buddy! How are you, ya’ old pirate? It's good to see you!”

 “Well,” Threepio piped up from Leia's side where they stood back. “He seems friendly.”

  “Yes,” Leia agreed. “Very friendly.”  _ For someone who lost an entire ship to their 'old buddy’ in a sabacc game.  _ She didn't let her anxiety show, however, as she came to Han’s side. Lando Calrissian's gaze slid from Han to her and he smiled pleasantly, reaching to take her hand. “ _ Hello _ . What have we here? Welcome. I'm Lando Calrissian. I'm the administrator of this facility. And who might you be?”

 “Leia.”

 From the corner of her eye, she caught Han bristling as Lando raised her gloved hand to his lips. Leia discreetly bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling in amusement.  _ Oh, flyboy.  _ It didn't take Han very long to have enough and he quickly slid in to steal back Leia's hand. Now, she did beam, laughing at his jealousy. As he led her away, she whispered to him, “Easy, flyboy. Someone might think you get jealous over me.”

 “Hm!” Han linked their arms and pulled her to his side. “Let them think.”

Lando took them inside and gave them a brief tour as he guided them to a sitting area. “I'll be back,” he promised Han and Leia. “I have my chefs cooking up a fine dinner. You two look like you need it.” He winked, then left, his cape dramatically billowing behind him. When he was gone, Han turned to Leia and shrugged. “Well? What do you think now?”

 She shook her head, taking a seat on a low, flat chair. “I still don't like this. This place- there's something off about it.”

 “It's a nice place,” Han commented.

 “Yes, real nice. Real fancy too, for a mining spot. I have to wonder how he keeps the Empire out of his business.”

 “It's not a huge setup he's got. Imperials probably figure it's nothing to bother themselves over.”

 Leia shook her head, glancing across the room and carefully surveying every inch of space. “The Empire has plenty of resources to waste.” She sighed. “This is wrong.”

 “It's new, Lando said. Maybe, he just hasn't been found yet.”

  Leia stopped to glare at Han. “Oh.  _ That _ reassures me.”

 “Look.” Han took her shoulders and held her gently. Leia’s eyes found his and Han tried to reassure her. “We're almost Ord Vaxal. Lando's already got his team working on repairs. Once the _ Falcon's _ fixed, then we're out of here. Everything will be fine.”

 Again, Leia shook her head, jumping to her feet and resorting to pacing. “No, Han. I can't shake the feeling that something here is wrong.” She froze. “Where are Chewie and Threepio?”

 “Uh . . .”

 “Han!”

 “Alright, alright. Relax.” He pointed a thumb behind him. “I'll go check in with Lando, see what's up.”

 “I don't _ trust _ Lando.”

 Han nodded slowly, backing up. “Alright.” At that moment, the comm at his hip rang. He grabbed it, checked the identifier- frowned. “It's Mirax.” He answered the call. “Mirax? What's up?”

 “Where in Palpatine’s palace are you?!”

 “Whoa! Chill out! What's up?”

 “Why didn't you tell me your last mechanic bugged the _ Falcon?” _

__ “Wait. How do you know?”

 “Stormtroopers showed up yesterday on Corellia. Thankfully, they skipped over my place and headed straight for your hotel. But you could have blown my father's operation!”

 “If stormtroopers came by yesterday, why didn't you call me then?”

 “I only heard about it an hour ago. My father was out of the city yesterday. He came back and told me they were asking around for the captain of the _ Millennium Falcon.  _ And the princess. _ ” _

__ Han looked to Leia who was keeping herself calm with measured breaths. “So Dommat did sell us out,” she whispered to him.

 “So?” Mirax demanded from the other end of the comm. “Where are you now?”

 “We just got to Rhommamool.”

 “Isn't that where Lando has his latest mining post set up?”

 “Yeah. He's helping us get some repairs done.”

Mirax laughed shortly, humorlessly. “Alright. Just . . . be on the lookout.” She hung up. Immediately, Leia slapped his knee.

 “Ow!”

 “I told you!”

 “Hey, we don't know that Lando even knows they're looking for us.”

 “What about when the troopers show up here? And who do you think he'll support?”

 He had no response.

 “Han, we have to get out of here.”

 “Alright. Let's go find Chewie and Goldenrod.”

 Leia hurried for the door and nearly ran into Lando when he returned. “Hey,” he smiled. “Chewbacca and I found your droid for you. Chewie’s in the dining room; he's putting him back together. Now. Who's up for dinner?”


	15. Chapter 15

_ We would be honored if you would join us. _

__ Leia hated dinner now. She missed sunny, busy Corellian mornings and the sweet aromas of breakfast. She missed those mere two mornings she got to wake up at Han’s side. She missed all the mornings she got to wake up in the same room as him. Now, Corellia seemed so far away.

 Leia snuggled herself impossibly closer against Han’s side. He groaned as pain shot through his sides and arms but brought up an arm to hold her. “Good morning, Princess.” She buried her face in his chest, drank in his scent, relished the tangible feel of his warm body just beneath her hand. His sweaty, soiled shirt was unbuttoned from the night before when Leia had been looking over his injuries after Vader had seen to his torture. She ran her fingers lightly along his abs, flinching whenever she could feel the rough patches of dried blood or the bump of a new scar.  _ This is my fault _ , she was sure. What else could Vader be after that had to do with them? Still, Vader's tactics made no sense. While she hadn't been physically tortured, she'd been forced to watch what they did to Han, then dragged down the corridor while they continued and Han’s screams echoed their way to her. Not a single question was asked. Then, Vader had visited her before Han was brought back to their cell. The Sith Lord had cradled her head in a gloved hand with an abusive father's hold, somehow bringing to the forefront of her mind every horrid memory she held within herself. And the sweet ones. Growing up on Alderaan, waking up in the bedroom she'd slept in for nineteen years, pricking her finger on an arralute’s stem in Breha Organa’s garden, running into her father's arms and crying until his embrace and warm words soothed her forgotten pain. Her last goodbyes, Alderaan's demise, meeting Luke and Han, pretending that everything was okay. Falling in love with Han. That first kiss, like white noise that pleasantly numbed her, revealing something she had refused to admit she might have wanted. A single bed in a room for two; it was a trope but Leia had fallen for it. Their first time, right in that bed-

_  No!  _ she'd fought back, as if she had that power too.  _ Those are mine!  _ And Vader had let go, vanishing from her cell. She'd lied there, shaking, sobbing until two troopers dragged in Han and shoved him several feet. They'd been lying together since, most of that time spent in silence- no words were needed.

 She'd forced Han to rest, staying up to watch over him and in case Vader had any other plans for them soon. Things were quiet for a while, so she lied down beside him, pulling his arm over her waist, trying to keep out of her mind the terror of the silence.

* * *

 

They stood around a giant carbonite machine. The fumes and cold steam floating across the chamber. The area was bathed in orange light and it made the carbonite pit look like the entryway to Corellia’s nine hells. And they were going to drop Han into it.

 Leia’s eyes flashed from the pit to Han who was still standing at her side. She felt like Vader had thrust his hand through her chest and was squeezing her heart- it would more easily explain why it hurt so much. She saw a similar pain in Han’s eyes and she considered, just for a moment, trying to escape despite the overwhelming presence of a dozens stormtroopers and guards in addition to Vader. Han made her think things she wouldn't normally consider.

 Now Leia recognized the pain in Han’s eyes, the fear that this was goodbye.  _ No! It can't be! You swore you wouldn't leave. _

 A lone tears fell down her cheek and Han dried it with a kiss. Leia’s composure nearly broke but her strength was renewed as much as it could be when Han moved his mouth to meet hers. If this was goodbye, Leia would give him one that would hurt, because it only hurts when it means something. Han’s lips kissed her hard, until she evaporated into thousands of stars and could glitter the sky with brilliance. He was the only one who could blow her wide open.

 But then, suddenly, he was wrenched away from her and she would have screamed but she lacked the strength. She would have fallen to her knees, but Chewie was holding her up.

_ Goodbye.  _ She could see it in his eyes.  _ Thanks for the great last night's. I'll never forget them.  _ She couldn't just watch. She couldn't stay silent while Han’s eyes did all the talking. She had a few words of her own to say before it was time to say goodbye. No, there would be no goodbye. Leia refused to say it. Instead, she told him what he really needed to hear. And what she really needed to say.

* * *

 

Leia Organa stood before the viewport in the medroom aboard the Alliance's transport  _ Remembrance.  _ The dark space just on the other side looked so peaceful. Leia wondered how she could stare into space for hours and still be overtaken with her own pain and chaos. She starved for that peace, to feel the stars’ light of hope and will. Han had told her he'd never met anyone with so much will, but she didn't feel it now. She felt vulnerable to the emptiness that was filling her. No, emptiness was incapable of filling one. More like it was emptying her of all the love, joy, and hope Han had given her. She felt like her old self again. Except now she noticed the hollowness. She'd let Han in, given him a place in her heart because he'd to never leave. Now that place deep within her was nothing more than the empty safe after a robbery. He was gone, but it wasn't his fault.

 So, this was what love felt like. And this was how it felt to have it taken away.

 She was minutely aware of the medroid on the other side of the room, and gentle sparks from a plasmatorch as it gave Luke a new hand. The new mechanics clicked as Luke familiarized himself with it, audible in the room’s silence. He came to stand with her, hanging an arm across her shoulders. She had no idea what had happened to him, didn't even know where he'd been, but she was aware of his own suffering, aware that something had happened to him too. But she wasn't strong enough to help him right now. Her own grief was too much.

 She could sense him trying to comfort her and she took it for all it was worth while knowing that Luke had no idea what she was feeling, how deep her own ache was. She heard unspoken questions running through his mind in fear for her, held back fears and doubts of what she'd faced since Both. Maybe, he could sense a fraction of the loss she felt, but he didn't need to know anything more. What had happened on Corellia was between her and Han and Leia would keep it that way. It was their own secret, their own inside reference to share. Luke didn't need to know. In a selfish way, Leia thought he didn't deserve to know. It was all hers and Han’s and she wanted to keep it between them. Every moment, every day, every kiss, and even every fight. It was hers to remember and savor. It was all hers.  _ Mine. Han Solo, you are mine and I will get you back. I promise. Because I just got you, I just let you in and I don't think I can go back. _

 The pain, the sense of loss and emptiness was nearly enough to break her. Almost enough to drive her mad, to tears. Leia didn't need to cry, though. She was the old Leia again and the old Leia saved her tears until they suffocated her. The pain would remain, eating at her, tearing new wounds, ripping open old ones that Han been helping heal.

 This was too much. This was a pain Leia couldn't bear. Alderaan had hurt her so greatly that she'd changed, never again to be the princess she'd been before, so young and foolish and naively convinced that she was invincible. She'd hurt so much but Han had come into her life, the magical salve that healed her and gave her hope, filled her with life. He'd only begun to show her a new life she could have outside of pain. One where he would always be there to kiss her wounds. A life with Han Solo had become so inviting, Leia really couldn't deny it or fight it any longer. She and Han. Something about it was just right. That was it.

 But Han was gone. She'd just surrendered to the light inside herself and every emotion Han awoke in her. And he was gone.

_ No. You're fine. You're still alive, and I'm coming for you. I will bring you back. Back home. With me. _

 Leia turned her gaze down to her hands which held a simple flimsi sheet, a single sentence declared proudly on a hotel note flimsi. She actually smiled, letting go of a shaky breath and allowing Luke to comfort her. He had no idea. No one had any idea what had happened to her and Han since the evacuation of Hoth. They didn't need to know, but if they found out Leia would hardly care. Everyone had a secret to getting through war- Leia had found her secret to getting through life, something to make it all worthwhile. Something that might one day be more permanent.

 Forget about Corellia; forget about the shady, three-star hotel and its breakfast bar. Forget about Alderaan; forget about the palace nestled quietly between mountains. This little slip of flimsi was all the home Leia needed.


End file.
